Which Way is Where?
by Swing123
Summary: Co written with garfieldodie. When Calvin and Hobbes attempt to escape Dad's annual torture camping trip, they end up lost in the big city with no money or food. And as if that isn't bad enough, the lunatic human convict Rupert Chill is after them!
1. Tree Huggers International

_Swing123: OK, here is Garfieldodie and I's third collaboration work. It is (sort of) a continuation of CALVIN AND HOBBES III: DOUBLE TROUBLE, which wraps up the tale of Rupert Chill. The human. Brother of John Chill and total moron._

_Once again, thank you, garfieldodie for all the help you've contributed to our latest Calvin and Hobbes story.

* * *

_

One bright summer day, Dad walked out of his house, crossed the street, and checked the mail for the day.

It had been three months since Calvin had saved him and the rest of the world from a deadly planet dictator named Rupert Chill.

Calvin's heroic deeds were honored, and then completely forgotten.

I mean, people had just went right on with their meaningless lives.

However in the week that Calvin was considered a hero, he won fifty medals, a bunch of long and boring speeches about him from the mayor, seven free meals at the restaurant of his choice, access to thirty movies that hadn't even gone into theaters yet for free, and a thousand dollar gift card for Wal-Mart.

So, yes, Calvin and Hobbes had a lot of fun during the first five weeks.

Soon, though, everyone seemed to forget who saved them from aliens, and went back to their lives.

Calvin's parents even started to treat him the way the did before they found out about Rupert and Earl.

All of the stuff Calvin had bought from Wal-Mart was either broken or taken away, and soon, Calvin and Hobbes' lives returned to normal, too.

However, when Calvin and Hobbes went into public, some little kids still pointed him out to their parents, and the adults were whispering back and forth about him.

It gave Calvin the "I'm legendary, and your nothing but a bunch dummies" feeling, and he pranced around half the time, bragging about how he beat up Rupert with one hand behind his back.

Nobody believed that, of course.

At school, things were not all that much different.

Miss Wormwood was still handing out reports, and Susie was still bugged to death about him.

Moe, however, was EXTREMELY jealous of Calvin, and he began bullying him more often with less excuses.

But all and all, Calvin and Hobbes had fun.

While it lasted.

Dad shifted through the mail.

Electric bill, credit card ad, some guy promising to make him a millionaire, Calvin's July issue of _Chewing_, some other letter Dad didn't pay much attention to and... Of course.

A postcard.

Since Calvin and Hobbes saved the world, they had been getting a lot of postcards.

Each one from a different state, but all from the same person.

Rupert Chill. Not the alien. But the real, human one. Brother of John Chill, and total lunatic.

You see, Chill was never apprehended, and he was still on the loose, jumping from state to state.

The police were unable to find fingerprints, or pin point exactly where the postcards had come from. Plus, Chill was leaping to random states at a time, making impossible for the police to set a trap.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, Chill was changing his appearance and name everyday. First he was George Jetson with a orange combed hair, and a mustache, then he was Buzz Adams with a jet black mohawk, missing teeth, and round features, then he was Jim Hawkins with red hair, sharp features, and armed with a full set of teeth.

Ever since Calvin and Hobbes had saved the Earth, Chill was sending them taunting postcards with messages like,

_CAREFUL! I MIGHT OF PUT POISON ON THIS THING!_

Or,

_CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, COPPERS!_

Or,

_PRAISE THE TWO WONDERFUL HEROS!_

And, the most popular one of them all,

_WE SHOULD DO LUNCH SOME TIME!_

Dad always threw them away without telling Calvin about them.

He feared for Calvin's health if he read them.

Because he would be laughing so hard, he'd forget to breath.

Dad sighed, and carried the mail into the house.

He threw the postcard from Chill away, and threw the rest of the mail on the kitchen counter.

He then went outside to the garage, and started pumping air into his bicycle tire.

Calvin walked up to the kitchen counter.

He crawled up on top, and put the peanut butter on it.

Then he took out a plate, and slapped the peanut butter onto a piece of bread.

Then, as an experiment, he took a bottle of honey, and poured it over the peanut butter.

He put the other piece of bread on top, and bit into it.

His eyes fell on the mail.

He picked it up, an started shuffling through it.

"Bills, bills," He read. "Some guy promising to make him a millionaire, bills, bills..."

He stopped at the last letter.

His mouth went dry.

He started shaking violently, and he dropped his sandwich.

He grabbed the last letter with both hands, and hissed, "_NO!_"

The return address was _TREE HUGGERS INTERNATIONAL_.

And below that was, _FORCE YOUR FAMILY ON CAMPING TRIPS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!_

Calvin leaped off the counter, and raced upstairs where Hobbes was reading a comic book.

"HOBBES! HOBBES!" He screamed. "CODE GREEN! CODE GREEN!"

Hobbes dropped his comic book, leaped into the air, hit his head on the ceiling, and dove under the bed.

Calvin watched.

"Hobbes." He said. "I said code "green","

"Code Green means New Invention, right?" Hobbes asked, peeking out from under the bed.

"No." Calvin growled. "There is no code for that, you tuna. Get out from under the bed."

"There should be." Hobbes muttered, climbing out from under the bed.

"Code Green means that Dad is about to ruin our summer, again!"

He shoved the envelope into Hobbes' face.

Hobbes took it, and read the return address.

"Does this mean..."

"Yes." Calvin said. "Dad's taking us on another camping trip! We have to do something!"

"Hide the letter!" Hobbes whispered. "We'll throw it under the bed, so the monsters will tear it up tonight."

"Hey, great idea, Hobbes!" Calvin grinned.

Hobbes ran over to the bed, and tossed the letter underneath it.

They thought that would be the end of it.

However, 'twas only the beginning.


	2. Identity Crisis

"CALVIN! IT'S TIME FOR BED!"

Calvin looked up from his truck playing, and spotted Mom walking towards him.

Calvin blinked, several times.

"BACK!" he screamed rushing away from her. "I'M ARMED! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

Calvin dove behind the couch, and tossed the toy truck at her.

Mom dodged it, moved the couch three feet outward, and grabbed Calvin before he rushed towards the table.

She carried the screaming lunatic up the stairs, spent fifteen minutes trying to get him through the door to his room, and another fifteen minutes trying to tie him to the bed.

Hobbes, of course, was Mr Perfect Angel, and got into bed before Mom even announced bedtime.

Calvin screamed and protested, but Mom finally got him to stay in bed.

Calvin muttered and grumbled, and laid down in bed, grumbling to himself.

Hobbes instantly fell asleep.

Calvin stayed up for twenty minutes complaining about all the injustices in the world.

He does that a lot.

* * *

Meanwhile, under the bed, the letter from _Tree Huggers International_ continued to sit in the middle of the floor, motionless.

Then, the floor opened up, as Maurice and Winslow the monsters appeared in a blast of fire.

"HA HA!" Maurice shouted. "I knew the password was MAULED KID. You just let _me_ do the remembering from now on, dumbbell."

Winslow growled, then his eyes fell on the letter.

"What's this?" He asked picking it up.

Maurice grabbed the letter, and studied it.

"_Tree Huggers International_?" He asked. "Never heard of it."

"Should we eat it?" Winslow asked.

"No, it sounds like one of those environmental saver guys. Those letters taste like pine needles, because they sprinkle it with some kind of perfume thing."

"Well, what are we going to do with it?" Winslow asked.

Maurice tossed a glance over both shoulders, and tossed the letter out from under the bed.

"There we go. Taken care of." He said, dusting his hands together. "Now let's just sit here, in our daily tradition of waiting for that kid up there to get careless, and fall out of the bed."

"Day 7,334" Winslow said, writing it down on a notepad.

"Really?" Maurice asked. "Gee, we beat the record."

And so, they sat there under the bed for the 7334th time.

And one can guess what kind of luck they had.

OK, maybe Calvin rolled off the bed, once, and nearly got pulled under it with the two monsters, but luck was with him, that one time.

* * *

That morning, Calvin sat up in bed and yawned.

It was Saturday.

The one day when Mom didn't have to wake him up.

He was already up at two in the morning.

Calvin yawned, and scratched, when he spotted an envelop on the ground.

His eyes bulged, and he screamed.

Hobbes, Mom, and Dad all expected this scream on a Saturday morning, so they didn't jump, and scream themselves.

Hobbes sat up, and yawned.

"Well, it's Saturday." He said.

"HELP!"

Hobbes rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and stared down at Calvin, who was moving so quickly, He could hardly see them.

"THE MONSTERS DIDN'T EAT IT! THEY THREW IT OUT!"

Calvin leaped off the bed, and snatched the letter up in his hands.

"What are we going to do! If Dad finds this, then we're off to Nuclear Mosquito Land!"

_That_ got Hobbes' attention.

His eyes bulged, and his ears shot up.

"What are we going to do!" He yelled.

"That's what _I_ just asked!"

"HELP!"

Calvin and Hobbes thought and thought about the calamity in their lives.

Then, Hobbes snapped his fingers.

"I've got it!" He yelled.

"What?"

Hobbes leaned down, and whispered something into Calvin's ear.

The more Hobbes whispered, the wider his grin became.

"Hey, hey, hey!" He yelled. "That's the best idea of the century!"

"Thank you."

"Your Welcome."

Calvin snatched the letter up, and ran out of the room.

A few hours later, Mom was sitting in her chair, reading her book.

When Dad had gone out to get the mail, Calvin came rushing over.

"MOM!" He screamed. "QUICK! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!"

Mom's head came up, slowly.

She wasn't accustomed to quickly replying to Calvin's "emergencies".

Anyone who reads the comic would know why.

"What is it, Calvin?" She asked.

Calvin shoved the letter into Mom's face.

Mom picked it up, and studied the return address.

Her eyes bulged.

"OH _NO!_" She yelled. "Please tell me this isn't for your father!"

"Yup." Calvin said.

Mom leaped out of her chair, and dropped her book.

"Don't worry, Calvin. I'll take care of this letter. He'll never find it!"

Calvin chuckled, and walked up to his room.

He was greeted by Hobbes.

"Did you give it to her?" he asked.

Calvin nodded and grinned.

"Mothers _always_ know how to hide stuff. Dad will never find it."

"That comforts me." Hobbes said.

"Me too." Calvin said. "Come on. Let's go read some comic books."

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes spent the next few minutes in Calvin's room, reading comic books.

After a while, though, Hobbes got bored, and fell asleep.

Calvin spun around, and stared at him.

Yup, Hobbes had totally checked out, and was asleep.

Heh, heh.

Which was just fine with Calvin.

He leaned over to Hobbes ear, and screamed, "_WAKE UP, AND SPLIT! THE WORLD'S ON FIRE!_"

Hobbes' eyes burst open.

He started scrambling all four legs, but since he was laying on his side, he didn't move an inch.

One ear shot up, and his eyes popped open, revealing... well, not much. When Hobbes is half asleep, his eyes are a vast field of nothingness.

"HELP! MURDER! MAYDAY! FIRE! FIRE! SPIT ON THE FIRE AND PUT OUT THE GALLOPING PORK CHOPS!"

Heh, heh, this was fun.

After a moment or two of Stationary Stampede, He finally made it to his feet.

He staggered around in circles, then he stared at Calvin.

"Oh, hi, How's the fire?"

"Fine, thanks, how about yourself?" Calvin replied.

"Oh, I'm not sure. I just woke up."

"Exactly, Hobbes. It's my whole point. If you just woke up, then you were asleep."

"Yeah, because the awaker you are, the asleeper you used to be."

There was a moment of silence.

"What?"

"I said... the asleeper you are the awaker... I don't know what I said."

"It doesn't matter. The point is if you were down there, sleeping, it means you weren't reading the comic books."

"Reading what?"

"Comic books. Reading comic books. And don't make me repeat myself."

"What?"

"I said, stop repeating myself. Now, did you read the comic book?"

"Yes, but I got bored."

"Good."

"Why is it good? I was bored out of my skull."

"Yes, but the point is, is that you read the comic book, Hibble. And that's good for mankind."

"Yeah, but my name's Hobbes."

Calvin stared at him.

"What?"

"You called me Hibble."

"I didn't call you Hibble. Why would I call you that? Hibble isn't even a word."

"Yes it is. If it wasn't, then you wouldn't have said it."

"I didn't say it. I said comic book."

"No you said mankind. Then you called me Hibble."

Calvin's eyes popped open, and he gritted his teeth.

"Hobble, you have me so confused I don't know if it's raining or Tuesday."

"I think it's Saturday. But last week was March. And my name's still Hobbes."

Calvin stuck his nose in Hobbes' face.

"Why do you keep saying that? I know your name! Do you want proof? Okay, here. Hobbes, Hobbes, Hobbes, Hobbes!"

"What, what, what, what?"

"I know your name."

"Then how come you keep calling me Hibble and Hobble?"

He lowered his head, and began to sniffle.

"And I wish you wouldn't yell at me. You know it hurts my feelings."

"I'm not yelling!" Calvin yelled.

He stepped away from Hobbes, and tried to clear his mind.

"Hobbes, listen closely."

"Thanks for calling me Hobbes."

"Shut up. Did you read the comic book?"

"Yep, sure did. Are you proud of me?"

"I'd be prouder, Houder, if you learn how to stay awake long enough to read something good for mankind."

Suddenly, Hobbes burst into tears.

"AH!" Calvin exclaimed. "I've exposed something here! Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Yes!" he cried through his tears. " You called me... Houder!"

"You said I called you Hibble. Get your stories straight. Hibble or Houder, Hobbes, you can't have it both ways."

"HELP!"

Hobbes dove under the pillow.

"Get out of there!" Calvin spat.

"NO!" Hobbes yelled. "I'm so confused! I don't even know my own name!"

"Ah ha!" Calvin shouted. "The truth is revealed! You don't know your own name, and your transferring the blame onto me. You're a sick tiger, Hogger, and I'm not sure I can save you."

"HELP!"

"This is worse than I thought. OK, take two aspens, and go to bed. See if that works."

Hobbes stuck his head out from under the pillow.

"We don't have any aspens. What about cottonwoods?"

"They're trees."

"Oh, good. Thanks, Calvin, I'm feeling better already."

Calvin stared at the lunatic before him.

"Never mind." He spat. "Let's just read these stupid comic books."

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes picked up their comic books and began reading again.

I have no comment here. Let's just go on to the next chapter.


	3. Discovered

Mom stood up, and looked around.

She tucked the letter in her pocket, and began searching for a place to hide it.

Suddenly, Dad walked into the house, shifting through the mail.

Mom put her hands behind her back, and forced a smile.

"Hello, dear? Anything in the mail?"

"The usual." Dad said. "Bills, Some guy saying I won ten million dollars, and another postcard from Chill."

He studied the postcard.

"This one's from Alaska."

Mom took the postcard, and stared at it.

Chill, wearing glasses, an Eskimo suit, and a long beard, waved out of the card, wearing a large grin against a background of white. And an igloo.

The message was, _Never fear! My next postcard will tell you where I am! HA HA HA!_

Mom looked up from it.

"Are you forwarding these postcards to the police?"

"Nope." Dad said, throwing it in the trash.

Mom stared at him.

"_WHY!_" She screamed.

"I've already given them four hundred sixty seven of them!" Dad yelled. "They can't make any sense out of them! Chill's in a different disguise and state everyday, anyway!"

Dad noticed that Mom had one hand behind her back.

"What's behind your back?" He asked.

Oops.

Mom looked at the hand behind her back.

"Uh... A bill. I'm going to go pay it."

"That's my job." Dad said, suspiciously.

Mom blinked.

"Did I say bills? I meant it's from Bill. That kid you grew up with in High School!"

Dad rubbed his chin.

"Funny. I don't remember anyone by the name of Bill."

"He was in my class, bye."

And with that, Mom walked away, making sure Dad didn't see the envelope.

"Hmmm," Dad said, rubbing his chin.

Mom walked into the kitchen, stuffed it in the blender, and fumbled with the plug.

She plugged it in, and turned it on.

CLICK

Nothing happened.

Mom clicked the blender on and off frantically, but it wouldn't turn on.

Then, Mom remembered that the blender had been broken for weeks since Calvin tried to use it for an invention.

Figures.

Mom grabbed the letter out of the blender, and attempted to ripit apart.

What kind of company uses flexible envelopes and paper in their letters?

I have no idea.

Mom twisted the letter left and right, but it simply flexed along with every bend.

Mom then took the scissors, and tried to cut the letter up.

Wow, she sure is desperate to keep from going on a camping trip, isn't she?

The scissors closed onto the letter, and... well, that's pretty much it. They just closed onto it, and make no mark.

"For crying in the bucket..." She growled.

She threw the scissors on the counter, and rushed off for the bedroom.

She burst into the bedroom, and shoved the letter under the dresser.

She sighed, and walked out of the room.

She closed the door, and shot a gust of air under the dresser, and carried the letter out from under it.

Hoo boy.

After Mom exited her room, Calvin exited his, and began down the stairs.

He pretended to get a drink, and then threw a glance at Mom.

Mom nodded.

Calvin sighed, and turned the faucet off.

Then, he got down off the counter, and went back up to his room.

"Mission accomplished, Hobbes." Calvin said. "The letter's gone."

"What a relief." Hobbes sighed.

"I'd say this victory deserves a special G.R.O.S.S. meeting."

"Agreed." Hobbes chuckled.

Calvin and Hobbes grabbed their newspaper hats, gave each other winks and grins, and rushed outside.

They climbed into the tree house, and Calvin called the meeting to order.

"First order in business," Calvin said, "Vice President and Secretary Hobbes will read the minutes of previous meeting."

"Thank you." Hobbes said.

He cleared his throat, and said, "**10:23AM**, meeting in called to order. **10:24AM**, minutes if previous meetings are read. President Hobbes declares girls 99.9 percent slimy instead of 99.99 percent. **10:28AM**, Philosophical discussion. **11:36AM**, bandages administered. **11:41AM**, forgot what meeting was about. Metals of bravery awarded to all parties. **11:43AM**, realized meeting was not supposed to end for another seventeen minutes. Thought for what to do for the remaining minutes. **11:55AM**, gave up. Decided to just sit around, until meeting ends. **11:59AM**, about to die from boredom. Dictator for Life Calvin begins counting the seconds down. **12:00PM**, meeting adjourned."

"Thank you." Calvin said. "And now, second order in business, We will plan our attack on the brunette menace!"

Calvin pointed at Susie who was playing on the sidewalk across the street.

"In other words, we're just going fill a bunch of balloons, attack her, and hope it works out, right?"

"Right. Move out men!"

Hobbes wrote something on the minutes notepad, then he and Calvin climbed out of the tree house.

Calvin grabbed the bag of water balloons, and started shifting through them.

"OK, I think we should work with two green balloons, and one red balloon. What do you say?"

"Very well." Hobbes said. "Shall we go over the code, real quick?"

"Negative." Calvin said. "Our enemies might have bugs all around our headquarters. The secret code must remain secret."

"Really?" Hobbes asked. "'cause I forgot what Code Pink was."

"OK, I'll tell you what code pink is, but don't repeat it to anyone!"

"Gotchya." Hobbes said, giving Calvin a thumbs up.

Calvin leaned in, and whispered, "Code pink means to abort the previous plan, and protect an agent that's being attacked. But don't worry about that. Susie doesn't even know we're here. So we won't have to use it in this mission."

"OK, good." Hobbes said, "let's go"

Calvin took two red balloons, and one green one, and rushed over to the faucet on the side of the house.

He filled the balloons up, and piled them up in front of Hobbes.

Hobbes took the balloons, handed Calvin two of them, and rushed off with his.

Calvin went in the opposite direction.

Hobbes tiptoed across the street behind Susie's back, and dove behind a bush.

Calvin rushed across the street in front of Susie, and he hid behind a bush.

Susie looked up, and looked around, then looked back down at her dolls.

Calvin peeked over the bush, and held up a walki-talki.

"OK, Hobbes. I have the target locked. When you hear Splash two, rush out for the second wave. Then we'll regroup, and rush into the house."

"Copy." Hobbes said, from over the radio.

Calvin held up his balloon, and rushed forward to Susie.

"HA! HA! HAVE A DRINK SUSIE!"

_SPRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH!_

"AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

Do you think Calvin blasted Susie?

No.

Suddenly, a long line of water collided with Calvin, and sent him flying backward, dropping both water balloons.

Susie was holding a hose, and had the sprayer attached to it.

She was grinning, and soaking Calvin.

Calvin fought against the water, and tried to reach Susie.

He was still holding one water balloon, and he still had some hope of... Nope.

Suddenly the water balloon Calvin was holding popped, and Calvin got it in his face. Along with all the other water that was colliding with him.

Calvin crashed into the ground, still being hosed down, and screamed, "HOBBES! HOBBES! CODE PINK! CODE PINK!"

"Uh-hu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-h." Hobbes said.

There was a sound of something moving at a high rate of speed, and then... silence.

"Hobbes? _HOBBES!_ Why you double-crossing, bush whacking, turncoat!... When I get my hands on you!"

Calvin leaped to his feet, and rushed off, Susie chasing him with the hose.

Finally, Calvin escaped, and found Hobbes sitting in the tree house.

"THIS NEVER HAPPENED!" Calvin screamed. "IT DOES NOT GO INTO THE LOG BOOKS! GOT IT!"

"Got it."

Calvin went on.

"AND HOW DARE YOU ABANDON ME DURING A COMBAT SITUATION! YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!"

"Yep. I sure am."

Before Calvin could continue to scream at Hobbes, Mom came to the front door, and called them, letting them know it was time for dinner.

Calvin and Hobbes got out of the tree house, walked into house, and ate dinner.

Then Calvin took a bath, brushed his teeth, and got ready for bed.

And in case you're wondering, no,he did not do this cheerfully.

He complained and screamed through the entire experience.

Especially when he was brushing his teeth, and then he sounded like some kind gargling yodeler.

Uh huh.

Then, much to Calvin's protest, Mom told him to get into bed.

After Calvin got in bed, Hobbes asked, "What do you think Mom did with the letter?"

"Don't know. Don't care." Calvin replied. "It's out of our lives. It's gone. Void. Nonexistent. It's history. And it never happened. Just forget it."

"It's history and it never happened?" Hobbes asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up."

Hobbes sighed, and fell asleep.

One hour went by.

Mom and Dad were watching the TV.

Then, Dad yawned, and said, "Well, I'm ready to it the hay."

"OK." Mom said. "I'm going to stay up a littler longer. I want to see the ending of this movie."

"Whatever." Dad said, standing up and stretching.

He yawned, again, and walked up to the bedroom.

He opened the door, walked in, and changed into his pajamas.

Then, he was about to get into bed.

But before he did, he saw a small envelope on the ground.

He picked it up, and studied it.

"Hmmm," He said. "That's odd. I don't remember getting this letter.

He turned it around.

He looked at the return address

_Tree Huggers International_

_2421 Toothache Lane_

_Atlanta, Georgia_

No comment.

Dad stared at the letter.

A large grin spread across his face.

Then, he threw his arms into the air.

"YES!" He shouted. "They got my letter!"

Mom looked up from her movie. She had heard Dad's outburst.

"Oh no." She whispered. "Please tell me he didn't..."

"DEAR!" Dad came down the stairs, waving the letter through the air. "We're going camping!"

"He did." Mom groaned.

Hoo boy.


	4. Planning the Escape

Calvin shot straight upright in bed.

He cut his eyes from side to side, and sniffed the air.

"What is it?" Hobbes yawned, rubbing his eyes, and sitting up.

"My _'Dad's gonna make us all miserable again' _sense is tingling." He muttered.

"You're just worried about the letter." Hobbes replied. "Your Mom took care of it."

"I still think we better go investigate." Calvin said.

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"What did it do?"

Calvin halted at the edge of his bed, and turned a blank stare onto Hobbes.

"What?"

"What did the gate do?" Hobbes asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you said you were going to go down to arrest the gate." Hobbes replied.

Calvin's eyes bulged, his teeth gritted, and he felt his temper rising.

"I said I was going to go down and _investigate!_ IN-VES-TI-GATE! Do you stay up at night and think of ways to pull me into your mindless drone!"

"No, I think it just happens."

Calvin stared at him.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm going now. Stay here, and don't ever speak to me again!"

Calvin jumped off the bed, and landed on the floor.

A tentacle shot out from under the bed, and hurled for Calvin.

Calvin held his foot up, and brought it down as hard as he could onto the tentacle.

STOMP!

"YEEEEE-OUCH!"

Maurice pulled his aching, throbbing tentacle back under the bed.

Winslow stared at his monster companion, as he started sucking on his sore tentacle.

"Baby." He spat. "Watch this."

Winslow stuck his tentacle out from under the bed.

STOMP!

"YEEEK!"

Winslow yanked his tentacle back inside and stuck it in his mouth.

Calvin stormed over to the door.

"Alright." Calvin whispered. "You stay here, and guard the bed."

"Roger." Hobbes said.

"I'll go arrest the gate."

He paused.

"INVESTIGATE!" He screamed. "DO SEE WHAT YOU DO TO ME!"

Hobbes blinked.

Calvin tiptoed out of the room, and started down the stairs

Calvin hear Mom and Dad talking.

Fighting, actually.

"We could go on a road trip." Mom said.

"No."

"An airplane ride."

"No."

"A tour of some museum."

"No."

"Uhh... a road trip."

"Dear, Calvin is going to be thrilled when he finds out about this, so don't ruin the fun."

"No he's not." Mom said.

Calvin listened harder. They were talking about him.

And for once it was in a quiet voice.

"Shall we wake Calvin up, and ask him if he's excited?" Dad asked.

"Dear, why ruin his last good night's sleep?" Mom replied.

"Ha ha. That's a laugh. Just be sure to have your bags packed tomorrow. This _Tree Huggers International_ meeting starts in five days, so we have to be in the car by tomorrow afternoon."

Calvin's lower jaw dropped three inches, and his eyes nearly bugged out of his bed.

He threw his head back, held it with both arms and screamed.

"**_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**"

Mom and Dad looked up.

"Calvin!" Dad exclaimed. "Guess what! We're going to Georgia!"

Calvin stared at Dad.

Then he replied in the best way he could under the pressure.

"**_WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**"

Mom and Dad stared at Calvin.

Calvin ran around in circles, still screaming, ran into the wall, trip on the rug, and flew up into his bedroom screaming, "HIDE ME! HIDE ME! HIDE ME!"

Mom blinked.

"Hmm," She thought out loud. "He took this quite well."

Dad rolled his eyes.

The next day, Dad came up to Calvin's room.

"Rise and shine, Calvin!" He cried. "This is going to be a great day!"

Dad yanked the covers off of the bed.

It revealed several of Calvin's clothes piled up onto a broom.

Dad blinked.

"Oh for crying out loud. Not this again."

Calvin looked out from some binoculars from the bush outside.

He saw Dad walking out of his room, and down the stairs, holding the broom.

"He took the bait." Calvin whispered.

"Yeah, the broom was my idea." Hobbes said.

"Shut up. Now we'll make a detour around the house, and press our feet into the grass so they make footprints. We'll walk up to the tree house, then rush off. While Dad's looking in the tree house, we'll go into my room, pack my inventions, and fly off in the Time Machine. Got it?"

"No."

"Good. Move out."

Calvin and Hobbes tiptoed around to the back of the house.

"Heh, heh." Calvin chuckled. "Nice try, Dad. But we'll never catch us, now!"

Just then Dad walked out the door, and spotted Calvin.

"There you are!" He yelled.

"Darn it." Calvin spat.

There was a blast of wind, and a blur of orange, and Hobbes disappeared.

Figures.

Calvin screamed, and rushed off.

Dad went after him.

Dad followed.

Calvin zoomed down the streets, flinging his arms everywhere, and screaming his head off, and Dad chased after him, his arms outstretched, as he tried to grab him.

"HELP! HELP! I'M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE! I'M BEING KIDNAPED! HELP! ME! HELP! ME! HELP! ME! HELP! ME!"

Socrates stood out on his front porch sipping on a milkshake.

With a dull expression on his face, he watched as Calvin went flying past with Dad right behind him.

"This is such a weird neighborhood." Socrates said, going back into his mansion.

Calvin continued running. And screaming.

He was about to enter the town, when Dad finally caught him.

He carried him all the way back to the house, and dumped him into his room.

"Calvin, this is going to be fun." Dad assured. "Just get packed, and we'll leave."

"_I'll_ leave!" Calvin screamed.

He made a dash for the window.

Dad rushed over, slammed it shut, and locked it.

Then he left Calvin in his bedroom.

Hobbes was already there, reading a comic book.

"I ought to sue you." Calvin growled.

And with that, he took his hypercube, and started piling inventions into it.

Then Dad came in, told him to stop packing toys, and pack clothes, and stuff he'd actually use.

"Dad, I _am_ going to use these. We have the Time Pauser, Mega-Shrinker 5000, The Mini Duplicator..."

"Just pack some clothes." Dad ordered. And with that, he closed the door.

Calvin shrugged.

He took his drawers, and dumped all the contents into his hypercube.

Which did not just consist of clothes.

It consisted of toy trucks, empty soda cans, comic books, and several other things Calvin managed to shove in there.

It was a long tedious process.

Hobbes watched, silently for a while, as Calvin tried to jammed everything in there.

"Calvin, why don't you just take the clothes you need?" He asked, finally.

"Shut up. I know what I'm doing." Calvin spat.

Calvin spent the next hour trying to jam all his clothes into the hypercube.

Hobbes watched.

Finally, Calvin managed to get the hypercube full.

"Okay," he said. "Let's go to our imminent doom."

Calvin walked towards the door…

…and his eyes fell upon a cardboard box.

"Huh. Could've sworn I packed that."

Then his eyes narrowed.

"Hobbes, did you…?"

"NO! I DIDN'T TAKE IT OUT! WHY DO YOU ASK?"

Calvin sighed.

Then he saw how the box was positioned.

It was on its side.

"Hmmm," he said.

Hobbes gulped.

Then Calvin set the hypercube down and approached it.

"Uh, Calvin? What are you doing?" Hobbes asked slowly.

"Saving myself a week of torment," said Calvin.

He opened up the box.

"Umm, I don't know what you're thinking, but the fact that it obviously has to do with that box is a bad sign."

"Hobbes, think for just a second without your brain blowing up," said Calvin. "We are about to go on a trip that could very well lead to our instant death, right?"

"Right."

"And it would seem there's no way out of it, right?"

"I would assume so, yes."

"Now stay with me here. What if we went, but it actually wasn't us who went?"

Hobbes stared.

"Uh…what?"

Calvin sighed.

"We'll duplicate ourselves, and then we can send the clones off on the camping trip, and we can hide here!"

Hobbes thought about that.

"Gee, I can either go to an island where the mosquitoes rule over everything else or I can step inside your death-trap box of doom. Wow, I hate them both so much."

"Just think of this, Hobbes: If you pick the camping trip, you have to put up with eating no tuna, no salmon, just spam. Spam for breakfast. Spam for lunch. Spam for dinner. Spam for those little in between snacks. Spam here. Spam there. Spam everywhere! Spam out the wahzoo! And that's not a metaphor. I mean literally that!"

Hobbes sat there for a brief minute.

A really brief minute.

"Okay, in we go!"

But before they could start, Dad burst in.

"Okay, let's hit the road!" he said happily.

Calvin and Hobbes gulped.

"What do we do?" asked Hobbes.

"We'll duplicate the next chance we get it. Let's just go."

Calvin and Hobbes loaded the Duplicator into the hypercube, and then they ran downstairs and into the car.

Dad pulled out of the driveway, and they drove off for Georgia.

But right after they left, the mailman walked up.

He jammed some mail into the mailbox, and then walked away.

He hadn't closed the door, so that left a postcard to tumble out.

It was a picture of Chill, looking exactly how he had when he'd kidnapped Calvin and Hobbes.

And there was a message, and it read:

I'M HERE.

AND I'M READY TO KILL.


	5. My Private Nation

"WE'RE ON THE ROAD AGAIN!" sang Dad. "I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET ON THE ROAD AGAIN!"

"Dad, you sound like a cross between a canary and howler monkey!" Calvin shouted. "Let's not sing!"

"Well, excuse me for feeling festive," Dad said.

"Not in a million years!"

Dad sighed.

"Look, can we just enjoy the ride?"

"Enjoy the ride. Sure. Whatever. Turn on the radio. And if you sing along to the song it's on, I swear I will do something despicable to this car," Calvin said.

"Fair enough."

Dad turned on the radio.

And the song MY PRIVATE NATION by Train came out.

"Oh good. Some actual music," Calvin muttered.

Hobbes sighed and looked out the window.

_Why you gotta treat me like I'm a low down dirty? Climbin' up on thirty. Dress like a kid to make me feel young punk and talk junk. You musta fell out of your bunk and smacked your head or your face or somethin'._

On they way, they passed some interesting sights.

And Mom, being a mom, wanted to stop by some of them and take pictures.

It was the one part of the trip Dad hated.

First, she took a picture of them standing in front of a giant ball of string.

Dad just stared at the camera, Calvin scowled, and Hobbes didn't even look at the camera.

Then there was the World's Biggest Clam Collection.

Dad was holding his nose, Calvin was throwing clams, and Hobbes was hiding.

_I don't need nobody flyin' in my jet stream. Take the bus. Go on and get yourself your own dream._

Calvin got in trouble with the security guards, who took away Mom's camera, much to everyone's relief.

_This is my own life keepin' me down where I wanna be in my private nation. I'm alone, all thinkin' life's a phone call, here for just a while when in my private nation. You can ride or you can go._

Calvin and Hobbes then got into an argument in the backseat. They started making hitting and punching each other, and trying to make the other one get in trouble.

Guess who won that one.

Calvin flew into the front seat, and nearly made Dad fly off the rode.

He got a long lecture.

And it mainly contained Dad yelling and screaming about safety, and seatbelts.

_Why you gonna step on shoes when you don't know whose been in 'em? Have you ever been more than a bump on a rock that likes to roll in the middle of a soup bowl in the sky? Use your eyes. It's all you got till you die._

During another stretch of road, Calvin was going through the hypercube, looking for something to entertain himself.

He then found a pair of shoes.

Why he had a second pair with him, he didn't know.

So he just tossed them out the window.

The shoes flew through the air and struck a loose rock.

Then the rock rolled and then hit another rock.

Then that rock hit two rocks, and then the pattern grew until a bunch of rocks started to tumble down towards the little purple car.

Dad glanced at the rearview mirror and saw a giant rock was now chasing them down the road.

Everyone screamed.

Dad floored it and sped off.

_I don't need nobody flyin' in my jet stream. Take the bus. Go on and get yourself your own dream._

The rock then rolled off to the side of the road and then rolled up one of those ramps that are built especially for runaway trucks.

It rolled off the edge of the cliff and flew into the air.

The family of four watched from below as it flew towards a traffic light and knocked it down.

Then two cars came towards that intersection and crashed into each other.

Dad opted to drive off the main road and onto the exit.

Hobbes glared at Calvin, who just looked away, whistling.

_This is my own life keepin' me down where I wanna be in my private nation. I'm alone, all thinkin' life's a phone call, here for just a while when in my private nation._

That evening, Dad parked the car at a rest stop, and they slept in the car.

Mom didn't like that one bit.

Dad didn't either, but he put up with it.

Mom slept in the backseat.

Dad slept in the driver's seat.

Calvin and Hobbes were supposed to sleep on the roof, but they decided to explore a little first.

They saw lots of fireflies and little squirrels.

_You can ride on, it ain't free. Leave a light on so you can see. How to get back when you go…_

Calvin then spotted a pair of beady eyes peering out from the brush.

He aimed the flashlight at them and screamed when he saw a giant something pounce him.

It was Hobbes.

They rolled around on the grass and everyone in the rest stop worked up.

When it was over, Mom and Dad were standing over Calvin, and had strapped him on hard to the roof.

Lots of rope was involved.

Calvin glared at Hobbes, who was just as uncomfortable as him.

_How to get. How to give. How to make ends meet. How to lose. How to win. How to stay on the seat. How to use momentum to keep the two wheels straight. How to wait after it feels like you waited so long._

The next morning, they were driving along the road for about a few hours.

Calvin and Hobbes had been sitting quietly playing games of tic-tac-toe.

No noise at all, except for when Calvin said, "New game".

Dad just sat in his seat, humming as he drove.

Mom was sitting in her seat, feeling agitated at the long drive.

I don't need nobody flyin' in my jet stream. Take the bus. Go on and get yourself your own dream.

Then a squirrel ran across the road.

Dad swerved into oncoming traffic to miss it.

Then he had to swerve back to avoid being hit by an oncoming Mack Truck.

SCREECH!

They flew off the road.

Everyone screamed.

_This is my own life keepin' me down where I wanna be in my private nation. I'm alone, all thinkin' life's a phone call, here for just a while when in my private nation. Yeah._

The car rocked and rolled down an embankment, pushing aside leaves and bushes.

Dad swerved like mad to avoid hitting trees and animals.

Mom covered her eyes.

Calvin and Hobbes hugged each other and screamed.

_This is my own life keepin' me down where I wanna be in my generation. I'm alone, all thinkin' life's a phone call, here for just a while when in my private nation._

Then Dad drove off a cliff!

I'm not kidding!

Everyone screamed even louder.

Dad warned everyone to hang on.

Calvin and Hobbes held on and held each other tighter.

You can ride on, it ain't free. Leave a light on so you can see. How to get back…

WHUMP!

The car landed safely in a hay truck which was driving down the road below.

Everyone sat in the car, eyes twitching and nobody moving.

Then Dad managed to move his hand towards the radio and switch it off.

Then the hay truck bumped and the gate opened up.

The car they were in slowly shook and wobbled and rolled onto the road.

And then Dad pulled off to the side.

He glanced in the rearview mirror.

Calvin, Hobbes and Mom were all glaring at him.

"Uhhh…everyone okay?" he asked meekly.

"Dad?"

"Yes, Calvin?"

"Who taught you how to drive?"

"My old driver's ed teacher, Mr Morris."

"Is he still alive?"

"No."

"Well then let's dig him up and give him what for."

Dad sighed.

"Let's just get to Georgia in one piece."

And they resumed driving.

Huh boy.

What a long drive this was gonna be.


	6. The Greasy Spoon

The following day, Calvin and Hobbes were taken to a restaurant.

It's name?

The Greasy Spoon.

And do you know what Dad said?

"This place looks interesting."

Interesting was the word.

Calvin, Hobbes, Mom and Dad entered.

Mom and Dad approached a booth.

"No! Let's sit at the stools! Please?" Calvin pleaded.

"Why?" asked Mom.

Calvin and Hobbes leapt onto the stools and started to spin on them.

Mom and Dad rolled their eyes, but sat down on stools anyway.

A waitress wearing a hairnet, an apron, and a mole on her left cheek entered.

"What'll it be, newcomers?" she said in a thick southern accent.

Dad looked at the menus.

"Hmm…I can't decide between the chicken or the fish…," he said.

Then in the back, they heard a sound.

"BUC-BUC-BUC-COUCH KAFF-KAFF-KAFF BUC!"

There was a short silence.

"Try the fish," said the waitress.

Dad stared for a moment.

"Um, okay, what's the catch of the day?"

"Pan-Fried Ugly Fish."

Dad looked up.

"Uhhh…can you serve it without the head?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because then it wouldn't be ugly now, would it?"

"I have heartburn already," Calvin whispered to Hobbes.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Next, the waitress moved on to Mom.

"What'll ya have, miss?"

"Hmm…," said Mom. "The Three-Bean-Burrito looks good."

Dad and Calvin frantically shook their heads.

"Sorry, we're out of that," said the waitress.

"Oh. Well then I'll just have the tuna melt."

"Check."

The waitress moved to Calvin.

"So, kiddo? What'll it be?"

"Ummm, Hobbes and I'll share the steak dinner."

"Okay. How would you like it?"

"Moo."

"Rare. Gotchya."

Mom and Dad rolled their eyes.

Minutes later, their meals were ready.

Dad got his ugly fish meal.

"It'll build character, Dad. Don't worry," said Calvin.

Mom got her tuna melt.

Calvin and Hobbes got their steak dinner.

Mom was about to bite into the sandwich when she saw a tiny piece of paper in it.

"There's a note in my sandwich," she said.

She pulled it out.

"It says, 'Inspected by Number 23'."

Mom stared.

"They inspected my tuna melt?" she asked.

"Either that, or the cook's wearing a new shirt," said Calvin, taking a swig of his soda pop.

Dad brought the waitress back.

"Um do you have any condiments back there?" he asked.

The waitress put a tray of sauces and spices on the bar.

"Here, take your pick."

Dad started to pour mustard, ketchup, mayo, relish, garlic, horseradish and sardine oil onto his fish.

Mom stared at him.

"Why are you putting all of that on your food?" she asked.

"Because I want what I eat to be identifiable," Dad replied.

Mom sighed, and resumed eating her sandwich.

Calvin and Hobbes enjoyed their meal.

"Psst, Calvin," whispered Hobbes. "When do we get the Duplicator?"

"Oop! I almost forgot! Hang on."

Calvin turned to his parents.

"Hobbes and I need to use the restroom," Calvin said.

Mom just waved him off.

Calvin and Hobbes left.

Dad munched into his multi-colored meal.

"Hmmm," he said. "Once you get past the ugly part, it's not so bad."

Calvin and Hobbes dove into the restroom.

"Ugh. It smells like old cheese in here," said Hobbes.

Calvin yanked out the hypercube.

"Okay, Hobbes, here we go. Let's get duplicated."

Calvin took out the box.

He set it for Duplicator.

The box flipped onto it's side and the flaps popped open.

Calvin shoved Hobbes inside.

Then he shut the box.

And he pressed the button.

BOINK!

Calvin then tore the box open, and out stepped two Hobbeses.

"Wow," said the new Hobbes. "What an interesting restroom. It smells like old cheese."

"That's what I thought," said Hobbes.

"Enough jibber-jabber!" said Calvin angrily. "Just duplicate me!"

Hobbes immediately shoved Calvin inside and slammed the Duplicator shut.

Then he pressed the button.

BOINK!

"I still can't believe scientific progress goes boink," said Hobbes, shaking his head.

"Right as always, Hobbes," agreed Hobbesclone.

Then out stepped two Calvins.

"Huh," said the new Calvin. "Smells like old cheese in here."

"Uh-huh," said Calvin. "We get it already."

Calvin and Hobbes stood before Calvinclone and Hobbesclone.

"Okay, duplicates," said Calvin. "Here's your mission. You're supposed to go with Mom and Dad on a trip."

"It's not a camping trip, is it?" asked Calvinclone hopefully.

"Yeah, because if it is, there's no deal," said Hobbesclone.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Uh, it's not. We're going to see a mountain and stay with a bunch of other people near it."

"Okay, that's better," said Calvinclone.

"Good. Now, we have to do some business, so that's why we're splitting," said Calvin. "So just enjoy the trip."

The duplicates looked at each other, shrugged, and then left.

Calvin and Hobbes watched them leave.

"Okay, now what?" asked Hobbes.

"We climb out that window."

So they put the box back into the hypercube, and then climbed out through the little window above a toilet.

Then they started running.

"Now what do we do?" asked Hobbes.

"We run and we don't look back!" said Calvin.

And they ran into the city that was just ahead of them.

First, they dodged traffic as they crossed the street.

Then they ran across an intersection during a green light.

Cars swerved everywhere.

Finally, they went over the bridge and into town.

"Sweet freedom, Hobbes!" said Calvin. "Let's take it all in."

"Yeah, and then let's shove it all out," Hobbes replied.

And they ran into the city.

This would be one interesting story.


	7. County Fair

_Swing123: recently, I've been busy with a lot of other things, and I haven't been able to get as many updates as I wanted to with this story. Which is probably why it isn't that popular in the comments section. I'm here to say that updates are now going to occur more often, at least once or twice a week, so the reader doesn't have to read the previous chapter to realize what's going on._

_Sorry about these big holdups between chapters. They end now!

* * *

_

Calvin ran onto the streets. Hobbes not far behind.

A truck went whizzing by Calvin.

He stopped and took a deep breath in.

"AH!" he yelled. "The sweet smell of diesel fuel! Come on, Hobbes, let's go check into a hotel."

It was then that Hobbes caught up.

"Where are all the hotels? All I see are a bunch of tall skyscrapers."

Calvin and Hobbes looked around.

They were indeed in the big city.

People in suits holding suitcases walked past them, taxis went zooming by, and the traffic was heavy.

"Yep, this is the city alright." Hobbes said. "Not a shred of grass in sight."

"Hmm," Calvin considered. "Let's find a good hotel. But where the heck are we going to find a..."

"Are you looking for good hotel?" Asked a voice.

Calvin and Hobbes turned around, and saw a bunch of TVs in an electronic store, and they all had a fancy looking guy on them.

"Come to the _Perfect Wonder Inn_! Where happiness is just a credit card away!"

Calvin grinned.

"Well, that was easy. TO THE PERFECT WONDER INN!"

"Calvin that's a four star hotel." Hobbes said. "Where the heck are we going to get the money to just open their door?"

"Good point." Calvin said.

He stuck his hand into his pocket.

His eyes popped open.

He pulled his hand out.

He was holding a brown wallet.

Hobbes stared at it.

"Ya know, your parents are getting weirder and weirder. I mean, hiding their wallet in your pocket?"

"That's not what happened!" Calvin yelled. "When I went past Dad to go to the restroom, the wallet must have fallen out into my pocket!"

There was a pause.

Then, a wide, devious grin spread across Calvin's face.

He opened Dad's wallet.

He pulled out Dad's Capitol One credit card.

Hobbes stared at it.

"Oh... no..." He growled.

"Technically, I _am _half of my Dad, so I'm only half stealing his identity. And that doesn't count." Calvin said.

"Yeah right."

Just then, a piece of paper flew past Calvin.

Calvin snatched it up, and stared at the picture of a Farris Wheel, and the words, COUNTY FAIR NOW IN TOWN.

"But... hmm..." Calvin rubbed his chin. "Why should we stop at a hotel! TO THE COUNTY FAIR!"

"Oh boy." Hobbes said, rolled his eyes skyward. "Debt city limits."

"But first." Calvin said.

He ran up to a guy holding a radio.

He grabbed the radio away, and rushed back to Hobbes.

He turned on the radio, and a fast jazzing song started.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

_Twenty bucks buys ten coupons, two ears of corn and one ride on the tilt-a-whirl_

Calvin and Hobbes rushed into the amusement park.

_Keep on walking down the midway, three-eyed goats, and games to play._

Calvin and Hobbes threw horseshoes at a ring.

"_Step right up," Carney says, "try your luck."_

Calvin and Hobbes both walked off with stuffed octopuses in their arms.

_You can tell the sweet smell of summer in the air. Whole town shuts down. Everybody's gonna be there!_

Calvin and Hobbes fell straight down off a roller coaster. Hobbes screamed, and Calvin laughed insanely.

_Down at the County Fair!_

Calvin and Hobbes watched a show while eating cotton candy.

_Big times, big top, big crowds, big hair!_ _There's nothing bigger all around this country, ANYWHERE!_

Calvin and Hobbes watched fireworks go off.

_Than the County Fair!_

Calvin and Hobbes steered mini battle ships through a water tank.

_Judging pigs, and judging pies,_ _Fighting for the first place prize,_

Calvin and Hobbes climbed up one of those plastic rock things with the climbing stones.

_4-H club and FFA, working for a better day,_

Hobbes sits comfortably in the petting zoo, discussing how advanced 1st grade math is to the goats, chickens, and ducks.

Calvin walked up to a rooster.

"Out of my way, you fool!"

The rooster glared at Calvin, crowed, and came after him with its spurs in the air.

Calvin watched.

"Oh boy." He muttered.

Hobbes, two goats, seven chickens, and three ducks looked up, and saw Calvin screaming his head off, and running away from the deranged bird.

_and a petting zoo, yeah, they got that_ _too._

Calvin and Hobbes rush into an art foundation.

_And 8:00 rolls around everybody knows the grand stand opens up. And it's time for the big show!_

Calvin and Hobbes look at each other in fun house mirrors.

_Down at the County Fair! _

Calvin and Hobbes rush out of the fun house with cotton candy in each hand.

_Big times, big top, big crowds, big hair! _

Calvin and Hobbes crash into each other in bumper cars.

_There's nothing bigger all around this country, ANYWHERE! Than the County Fair!_

Calvin and Hobbes zoomed down a water slide in a log compartment.

_Down at the County Fair! Big time, big top, big crowds, big hair! _

Calvin and Hobbes watch a parade go marching past them.

_There's nothing bigger in small towns everywhere!_

_Than the County Fair!_

Calvin and Hobbes left the park, each of them holding a cone of cotton candy.

They gave each other a high five.

_County fair!

* * *

_

Calvin's house sat silently in that little neighborhood on the end of town.

A shadowy figure appeared over the door.

The figure had a gun in one hand, and a rubber duck in the other.

No, I don't know why.

There was a crash, as Chill kicked the door open.

"HERE I AM!" He screamed, bursting into the house.

He looked around.

The house was silent.

He cut his eyes from side to side.

He set the gun and the duck down, and started towards the kitchen.

He burst inside.

"HA HA!" He screamed.

Nothing happened.

Chill cut his eyes from side to side.

He did a somersault to the fridge, and looked around.

The kitchen appeared to be deserted.

"Hmmm," He wondered. "Where are they?"

He opened the fridge, and pulled out an orange container.

He took a spoon, and opened the container.

He scooped some green liquid up, and stuck it in his mouth.

His eyes popped open, and he spewed it all over the floor.

"ACK!" He screeched. "EGGPLANT CASSEROLE!"

He stuck his tongue out, and began scraping it with his fingernails.

Then, he jabbed a finger at the container.

"A foe!" He yelled.

He grabbed the casserole, and flung it straight across the room.

It crashed into the wall, and sent green glop flying everywhere.

Chill looked around at the trashed kitchen.

"I really should clean this up." He said.

He grinned.

"Or, I could continue looking for that bratty kid!"

Chill rushed back into the livingroom, and started up the stairs.

"Come out, come out, wherever thou are!"

He pranced over to the hall closet, and ripped the door off, revealing...

Well, a bunch of coats, some shoes, and an empty box.

Chill blinked.

He searched the closet for a secret passageway.

Yet he didn't find any.

Heh, he and Dr Brainstorm could start a "stupid villain's club" couldn't they?

After that, Chill exited the closet, and checked Mom and Dad's room.

They weren't there, so he checked the bathroom, and the attic.

After that, he hurried into Calvin's room.

"AH HA!" He screaming, flinging the door to Calvin's room open.

A bird out the window stared at Chill, then flapped away.

Chill bounced over to Calvin's bed, and toppled it over.

"Oops." He said.

He searched the underside of Calvin's bed.

Nothing.

Then, Chill spun around to Calvin's closet door.

"I HAVE YOU NOW!"

Chill took hold of the door hinge, and spent the next few minutes trying to rip it off it's hinges.

Don't open it, oh no, that would be too simple. Be dramatic, and rip it off it's hinges.

After several failed attempts to rip the door off, Chill gave up, and just opened the door.

He then tore Calvin's closet apart, looking for Calvin, Dad, or Mom.

Finding none of them.

Chill stood up.

"Oh the confusion." He said. "Plus, I _told_ them I had come to kill them. You'd think they'd tidy up the place a bit!"

Chill exited the room.

"Hmmm, I guess I scared them off." He said. "But where would they go?"

His eyes fell on the letter from _Tree Huggers International_.

He picked it up, and studied it.

"Hmmm," He said. "His father must have forced him to go."

He put the letter down, and begin thinking.

"Calvin, however, I'm sure would _never_ go on that kind of trip. Meaning the chances of him being with his parents is not to not."

He chuckled, evilly, and began rubbing his hands together.

"Which means that he's either alone or alone."

Chill quickly got out a road map.

"And if they're on they're way to Georgia..." He muttered to himself. "They'll be passing through this weird shaped state here, and after driving two thousand miles, I'm sure they'll stop for a bite."

He spotted a restaurant marked THE GREASY SPOON.

"And if Calvin escaped he'd be drawn towards the nearest city..."

Chill moved his finger across from the Greasy Spoon over to a densely populated city.

"...he's right there!" He yelled.

Chill leaped up.

"**_MAN_**, I'm good!"

Yes, another example of a genius/idiot.

Chill burst out the door.

"And now...!" He yelled. "Time to fulfill my _VENGEANCE!_"

Chill threw his head back, and laughed insanely.

Socrates went walking past, just then.

He saw some lunatic in a black coat standing in Calvin's doorway, laughing his head off.

"This is _such_ a weird neighborhood." He said, walking off.


	8. Everlasting Love

Calvin and Hobbes had now finished their cotton candy and were walking down the streets in the dark.

There were cars whizzing past on the highway, and they now were headed towards the hotel.

Calvin was holding a map as he walked down the street, and Hobbes was behind him, watching the cars go past.

"Okay…," said Calvin. "According to this…I am…_wagering_…that we are……somewhere on this map."

Hobbes had nothing on that one.

"All right, hang on," Calvin said. "Let's see… I am going to _guess_…that we're in _this_ mass of buildings……and that the hotel should be right…over…there!"

Calvin pointed in front of himself.

It wasn't the Perfect Wonder Inn.

It was Wal-Mart.

Hobbes stared at it.

Then he examined Calvin's map.

He grabbed it, turned it around, and then gave it back.

Calvin stared at the new view.

Then he looked over his shoulder.

There it was.

It was just on the other side of the street.

"Oh," he said. "Never mind. Let's go."

Calvin and Hobbes started for the Perfect Wonder Inn.

But then Calvin reached into his pocket and pulled out a second credit card.

"Hmmm," he pondered. "Hey, Hobbes?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have any tuna with you?"

"No, why?"

"Well, I don't think that hotel has any, and I don't have any in the hypercube."

Hobbes' eyes popped open.

"OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

Calvin glanced at Wal-Mart.

"Well, maybe we should stock up before we go in…"

Hobbes got the idea and grinned.

And as they entered, a song started to play.

It was U2, and the song was Everlasting Love.

Calvin and Hobbes grinned as the MasterCard glistened in the flourescent light.

"Let's kick it," said Calvin.

Hobbes grabbed a shopping cart.

"Onward," he said.

_Hearts gone astray; Keeping up when they go. I went away just when you needed me so. You won't regret; I'll come back, begging you. Don't you forget. Welcome love we once knew. Yeah._

Calvin and Hobbes started towards the exact center of the store.

They were dazzled by all the neat objects that sat on the shelves.

There were squirt guns, greeting cards, balloons, cakes, DVDs, Playstation 2's, John Grisham novels, Lego toys, stuffed animals, sweater vests, bouquets of flowers, and an entire section devoted to Thomas the Tank Engine.

Calvin's eyes grew wide with excitement has he dove into the shopping cart and pointed Hobbes in the direction of their first purchase.

_Open up your eyes. Then you'll realize. Here I said was my everlasting love._

Calvin jumped up onto a shelf and loaded half a dozen Hot Wheels cars and a playset into the cart.

_Need you by my side. Come and be my bride. You'll never be denied everlasting love._

Hobbes scurried to the food aisle and shoved fifty cans of Chicken of the Sea into the cart.

_From the very start, open up your heart. Feel the love you've got. Everlasting love._

Calvin grabbed a birthday cake and three packages of chocolate chip cookies.

_This love will last forever. This love will last forever._

Calvin then shouted at Hobbes, telling him to run down the aisle and let the cart go.

Hobbes did so.

Calvin flew down aisle, scaring people off, until he crashed into another shelf, and a jug of orange juice fell in.

_Hearts gone astray, keeping up when they go._

Hobbes steered back to the food aisle, and then grabbed twenty extra cans of Chicken of the Sea.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

_I went away just when you needed me so._

Calvin jumped into the DVD aisle.

He started tossing in several movies.

_You won't regret. I'll come back begging you._

Then Calvin and Hobbes ran to toy section, and Calvin grabbed a bunch of Star Wars Lego sets, and Hobbes got a yo-yo, a giant jug of bubble soap, a paint kit, and a coloring book.

_Don't you forget. Welcome love we once knew. Yeah…_

Then there was a phase where Hobbes rode, and Calvin pushed.

That ended quickly.

_When love's river flows, no one really knows, 'til someone's there to show the way to lasting_ love.

Calvin and Hobbes ran to the Krispy Kreme Donut stand.

They emptied the place.

Then they put back the jelly-filled.

Personal reasons, I'm guessing.

_Like the sun it shines. Endlessly it shines. You always will be mine. Eternal love._

Hobbes then grabbed a flashlight that constantly changed colors.

He didn't know why. He just liked it.

_Whatever love went wrong, ours would still be strong. We'd have our own everlasting love._

Calvin and Hobbes then dove into the clothes aisle.

Calvin tried on the wackiest combinations of clothes he could find.

Hobbes just laughed and took pictures with his new digital camera.

_Open up your eyes. Then you'll realize. Here I said was my everlasting love._

Hobbes then snuck back over to the food aisle a third time, and tried to get a last can of Chicken of the Sea, but Calvin stopped him and dragged him back.

_Need you by my side. Come and be my pride. Never be denied. Everlasting love._

Calvin finally loaded up a new Atomic Soaker.

He pointed it at Hobbes.

Hobbes held his claws up.

Calvin gulped and put it back.

_From the very start. Open up your heart. Feel the love you've got. Everlasting love._

Calvin and Hobbes finally shoved the cart up to the check out counter.

After half an hour of waiting for the scanning to complete, Calvin handed the checkout girl the MasterCard.

She rang it all up, and then Calvin and Hobbes pushed the cart towards the doors and out the building.

"WHEEEE!" they cheered.

_Everlasting love!_

They rode the cart across the street and into the Perfect Wonder Inn.

The cart rammed into the front desk, where Calvin rang the bell.

_DING-DING!_

"Hello?" he shouted.

A clerk came to the desk.

He stared.

There was a six-year-old and a stuffed tiger sitting in a shopping cart filled with stuff.

"Um, may I help you?" asked the clerk.

"Yeah, we'd like your best available room. This'll be on Visa," said Calvin, holding up the card.

"Where are your parents?"

"Oh, they're not here," said Calvin. "My parents are very rich, see, and they feel I should see the world. So they've been sending me on vacations all around. I've been to Paris, New York City, Rome, Seattle, which is very wet by the way, Greenland—"

"Okay, okay, good enough," said the clerk, taking the card.

He rang it up and typed a few things into the computer.

Calvin winked at Hobbes.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Okay," said the clerk, handing them a card key. "Your room is 7B. Have a nice stay."

Calvin nodded, and then got behind the cart and pushed it towards the elevator.

The clerk watched as they left.

"Rich people," he muttered, heading towards the back. "Go figure."

Calvin and Hobbes entered the room.

"Wow!" said Calvin. "Look at this place! Two separate beds, a big screen TV with all the channels, a balcony with a great view of the city…!"

Hobbes struggled to bring the cart inside.

"Emph!" he grunted. "Hey, a little help?"

"Oh, sure."

Calvin grabbed onto the cart and pulled hard, trying to get it into the room through the door.

"Hmmm," said Hobbes. "That's odd. The cart seems to fit. Maybe the load is too wide."

So while Calvin continued to struggle, Hobbes inspected the load.

Then he saw it.

A can of Chicken of the Sea was latched against the doorframe.

"Ah! Here's the problem."

He pulled the can out…

…and the cart popped free.

Calvin and the cart flew into the wall.

_**CRASH!**_

Hobbes pulled the cart off the wall, and then unflattened Calvin.

"Fixed it," he said.

Calvin glared.

Hobbes opened the can and downed the whole thing.

As he tossed it away, Calvin opened a mini-fridge.

"Hey, check it out!" he said. "Free sodas, cookies, and milk!"

Calvin pulled out a can of Pepsi and kicked back.

"Hey, Calvin! Check out this bathroom!"

Calvin walked into the bathroom, sipping his Pepsi.

"Whoa…," he breathed.

"Yeah!" said Hobbes. "It has a phone in the bathroom! We can call all the other bathrooms in the hotel!"

"Sweet!"

Calvin and Hobbes then started their night.

Hobbes must eaten fifty cans of Chicken of the Sea.

Calvin ate forty donuts.

They split the cake in half and ate it.

Then they raided the mini-fridge.

They ate all the cookies.

They drank all the sodas.

They downed the entire jug of orange juice.

They played with their new toys.

And yet it wasn't enough.

Later on, Calvin discovered room service.

He ordered a massage, brownies, a jumbo bag of popcorn, a DVD player, Twizzler, and six cans of soda.

Later on in the night, Calvin and Hobbes were leaning against the pillows and trying to watch TV.

But it was kind of hard.

Calvin groaned.

"Oh, my stomach hurts," he groaned, clutching his bulging gut.

Hobbes rubbed his own.

"Man, I'm so stuffed, I couldn't eat another… Okay, many one or twelve more, but then that's it," said Hobbes, who struggled over to a pile of food that sat between the two beds.

"So this is paradise, Hobbes?" Calvin asked.

"I guess so."

"Watching violent movies you bought with stolen money, and eating until your stomach gets so big you can't even see the TV?"

"Apparently."

"I so love this."

"Same here."

And they continued stuffing themselves and watching movies and playing with toys long into the night.

Just a few miles outside the border of Georgia, Chill was walking into a gas station.

"So…tired!" he moaned. "Should've…rented…a…car! Maybe…a…nice…Mustang. I…like…those…cars."

Chill staggered into the 7-11.

There was a teenager there, sitting at the counter, reading a magazine.

He noticed Chill.

"Excuse me…young lad," said Chill. "I need a transport vehicle. I don't suppose you know where I could get a car?"

"Nope," said the teen. "Say, don't I know you from somewhere?"

Chill arched an eyebrow.

"I don't think so, why?"

"Well, you just remind of someone. I think it was an old lady who came in here with this really weird and loud kid with a stuffed tiger."

Chill gulped.

He had thought this place looked familiar.

"Uh…that was probably my auntie," he said. "She's old and fat and has a lot of medical bills and a weird little son. Anywho, I'll just take a large coffee and go."

So Chill got his coffee and left.

"Okay," he decided. "I'm going to need wheels. According that map I had and memorized before losing it, I'm only a few miles from the border. But how do I get wheels?"

Chill pondered for a while.

Then, a Mustang drove up.

A guy got out and went into the store.

Chill stared.

The keys were in the ignition.

And the door was unlocked.

Hmmm.

Chill thought for a moment.

"How?" he wondered again.

He walked towards the car.

"How?"

He opened it.

"How?"

He got in.

"Oh, how?"

He closed the door.

"How, oh, how?"

He fastened his seatbelt.

"I wonder how!"

He started the car.

VROOM!

"Oh! Here's how!"

He stomped on the gas and drove away.

"LOOK OUT, CALVIN! HERE I COME!" he shouted.

The guy who owned the car came out of the store.

"Hey! Where'd my car go?" he wondered.

Chill drove out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

Then he drove over the border just minutes later.

"HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!" he laughed. "Onward!"

DUN, DUN, _DUNNNNN!!!_


	9. To the Perfect Wonder Inn

"What... a... day." Calvin groaned. "Stuffed with junk food, six straight hours of TV, unlimited room service who become grouchy after the three hundredth call, and the chance to watch all the movies we're not supposed to watch due to violence and bad language."

"Yep." Hobbes said.

"Plus, as an added bonus, I feel like I'm about to explode from all the Oreos I ate."

"Same here."

"Completely stuffed."

"Yep."

"Isn't this great?"

"Yep."

"There's just one problem."

"Which is...?"

Calvin waved his arms frantically, trying to get off the bed.

"I... can't... move!"

"Yes, that is a bit of a problem, huh?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Chill screeched to a stop in front of THE GREASY SPOON.

He flung the door to the mustang open, and strolled into the store.

In other words, he kicked the double doors open.

And he screamed, again.

"DING!"

Everyone in the restaurant looked up.

Chill stared into the restaurant.

"Hope I'm not...ah... interrupting anything."

"Uh... no..." The waiter began.

"Ah, good!" Chill jumped up, and landed on the stool in front of the counter. "I just hate it when people interrupt things, don't you?"

"Yeah, sure." The waiter shrugged.

There was a moment of silence.

"Uh, may I help you?" The waiter at the counter asked.

"Yeah!" Chill said. "Number one. I want to know exactly WHO was in this restaurant within the last day!"

The waiter stared at him.

"Wha...?"

Chill put one arm on the counter, and the other on his hip, as he leaned against it.

"Tall balding guy with glasses, brown haired woman with a bratty kid with spiky hair and a stuffed tiger. Ringing any bells?"

The waiter stared at him.

Then his eyes lit up.

"Oh, you mean those people who ordered the ugly fish meal?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Chill said.

"Why do you care?" The waiter asked, suspiciously.

Chill blinked.

"Uh... I'm an undercover...uh... police officer?"

Everyone behind the counter stared at Chill.

Several people whispered back and forth among each other.

Chill cut his eyes from side to side.

The waiter continued to stare at him

"Oh, well, why didn't you just say so?" He asked. "They were here, yes."

"They were?" Chill asked.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

"Are you positive?"

"Yeah."

"Are you positive that your positive?"

"Yes."

"Are you positive that you were positive of your positiveness?"

"They were here, OK?" The waiter finally yelled.

Chill began twiddling his fingers.

"**_EXC_**ellent!" He cackled. "Heh, heh, heh, heh! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

He threw his hands back, and laughed.

"BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

He stopped laughing when he realized everyone was staring at him, again.

Chill put his hands down, and cleared his throat.

"I..cough... mean, do you have any idea where they went?"

Everyone shook their heads in unison.

Chill blinked.

"Oh. OK. Well, onto the second order of business."

He went nose to nose with the waiter.

"I crave food. How's the pork?"

"The poor thing has a fever." The waiter said.

Chill gave him a blank stare.

"Uh... OK. Bring me a steak, then."

"Excellent choice. How do you want it?"

Chill raised his right eyebrow.

"Bring me something a good doctor could save." Chill said.

"OK, extra rare."

The waiter left.

Leaving Chill to plan his revenge.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were still at the hotel, watching _Night of the Living Crash Test Dummies_, and gorging themselves on nacho chips.

Calvin took a remote control, and pushed the button.

BEEP

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin pushed it again.

BEEP

Nothing happened.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

A man in a red uniform came inside, just then.

"I was coming!" He yelled. "We don't come in immediately after you push the button! What do you want, now!"

Calvin snapped his fingers twice.

SNAP! SNAP!

"NO! I am not giving you another foot massage!"

Calvin snapped his fingers again, not taking his eyes of the TV.

SNAP! SNAP!

"Forget it!"

SNAP! SNAP!

"I'm not doing it!"

SNAP! SNAP!

"**_NO!_**"

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!

"RRRRRRRRGH!"

Three seconds later, the room service guy was massaging Calvin's feet.

After an hour of this, Calvin said, "Well, the movie's over. You can stop, now."

The room service guy stood up.

"Oh, by the way," Calvin said, reaching into his pocket.

The room service guy grinned, walked over, and held his hand out.

Calvin took out a rumbled up bag, pulled out a crumbled up chip, and put it in the guy's hands.

The man stared at it.

"Keep up the good work, and they'll be plenty more where that came from." Calvin said.

The man's eyes slammed shut, his teeth gritted, and his face turned a deep shade of red.

"I'll snap if I need anything." Calvin said.

* * *

Meanwhile, Chill had finished his steak dinner, and got back into his mustang.

He drove five feet up to the gas station across the street.

A brown haired man was coming out of the store next to the station, when all at once, a mustang screeched to a stop in front of him.

"YEEK!" The man yelled.

Chill rolled the window down.

He had sunglasses on that hid his eyes, and a big grin on his face.

"Excuse me," He said, casually. "Can you point me out to the nearest city?"

The man stared at him.

"Uh... sure.. It's over there."

He pointed across the street.

Chill looked out the opposite window, and looked over at a bunch of tall skyscrapers and buildings.

"Ah, thank you my good man."

Chill pulled a chip out of his pocket.

"Here ya go."

The man stared at the broken up chip in his hand as the lunatic villain roared away.

Chill drove the car into the city.

"Now," He asked himself. "If I were a half crazed, self centered, nonsensical little lunatic..."

He paused.

"If I were a _child_ version of a half crazed, self centered, nonsensical little lunatic where would I stay?"

Just then, a car drove up next to Chill.

The window was down.

"Charles, I can't believe you didn't book a hotel." Said a woman voice. "Now, where are we going to stay?"

"Margaret, we could stay at that Perfect Wonder Inn place. It's where all half crazed, self centered, nonsensical little lunatics go."

Chill's head turned around, and fixed on the car.

"No, we can't stay there." Margaret said. "There's some rich kid there who's driving all the people there crazy. This would be a very bad time to stay there."

Chill blinked several times.

"Come on, he's just a six-year old." Charles said.

"I'm not staying at that hotel. Come on, let's find some different place."

The car drove off.

Chill watched it go.

"Wow, I sure am having a lot of good luck lately." He said to no one in particular. "TO THE _PERFECT WONDER INN!_"

He revved the engine up, and roared off to the Perfect Wonder so forth.

To fulfill his revenge on Calvin

Whoops.


	10. The Chase

Calvin and Hobbes were leaning against a pile of pillows, and both were feeling very uncomfortable.

They had eaten all the food they'd bought.

They had watched all their new movies.

The mini-fridge was empty.

Their stomachs were as big around as globes.

They were moaning.

"Hobbes?" Calvin asked wearily.

"Yes?"

"I can't reach the phone from here."

"So get up and grab it."

"I can't sit up. Now, you've got longer arms. Reach the phone cord and yank it off the cradle."

Hobbes struggled and grabbed phone card and gave it a yank.

The phone came off the cradle.

"Got it," he wheezed.

"Good. Now…toss the phone over to me."

"Okay."

Hobbes aimed, and then tossed the phone at Calvin's bed.

"Got it!" said Calvin. "Now try and hit the room service button."

"You…got it."

Hobbes struggled some more, and then he managed to press the button.

"It's ringing!" said Calvin.

The other end picked up.

"What now?" asked the room service guy.

"I don't suppose you guys carry Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, do you?"

"Not at the moment," snarled the guy. "Kid, you've eaten _everything_. We have to go out and get more food!"

"Oh," said Calvin, looking at all the food wrappers that were littering the room.

He thought for a moment.

"Well, send a maid up here, will ya? Hobbes and me are gonna go for a walk."

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"We're what?"

Calvin hung up.

"You heard me."

"Calvin, we're gigantic!" Hobbes said, pointing at his bloated gut. "How the heck are we gonna find the inspiration to get moving?"

Just then, the door burst open.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

Chill was standing at the door.

Hobbes groaned.

"I gotta quit doing that," he muttered.

"Chill?" Calvin gasped, struggling to get off the bed. "What are _you _doing here?"

"Don't be so surprised, Calvin!" Chill growled. "You knew I was on the lookout for you!"

"No, I didn't."

Chill stopped.

"You didn't?"

"No."

"You mean you didn't get any of the postcards I sent you?"

"What postcards?"

Chill stared.

"Well, this is odd. I must've sent you over a hundred postcards. I know it was after you beat my alien counterpart, but I just don't…"

Then Chill sighed.

"Oh forget it," he muttered. "The point is that I'm here, and THERE'S NO ESCAPE!"

And Chill started to laugh.

But as he advanced to the temporarily immobile Calvin and Hobbes, he stepped on a Hot Wheels car, which shot out from under him, and he tumbled to the ground.

"WHOA!"

Then on the way down, he hit his head on a bunch of Legos and fish cans.

"OW!"

Calvin rolled over until he finally managed to get his feet on the ground.

"Quick!" he hissed. "To the cart!"

Calvin dragged Hobbes off the bed, and then they waddled slowly past Chill towards the shopping cart.

It took a while, but they managed to get in.

Then Calvin pulled out the MTM, activated the fan feature, and connected it the back of the cart.

"Hang on!" shouted Calvin.

The cart shot out of the room, propelled by the fan.

"WHEEEEEEEEEE!" they cheered.

They broke the door down and shot into the halls.

Chill was frantically trying to stand up, but each time he put his foot down, it landed on another Hot Wheels, and his feet were flying everywhere.

"CURSE DIE-CAST TOYS!" he shouted.

Finally, after he'd broken them all, he ran out, knocking a shocked maid over.

"Pardon me, ma'am! I'm a villain, and I'm hitching a ride on your clean-'em-up truck!" he yelled.

Chill jumped onto the cart that held all the cleaning supplies, and sat in an empty trash bag, and shoved off with a broom.

"GET BACK HERE, PUNK AND PUNKER!" he shouted.

Calvin and Hobbes swerved around the halls.

"Hang on, Hobbes!" Calvin shouted.

Hobbes held on to the edge with one paw, and clutched his stomach with the other.

Calvin leaned the cart to the left, and they ran through a door.

And that door led to the stair well.

"GERONIMO!" he shouted.

"MOMMY!" Hobbes shouted.

They bucked and bounced over the stairs, and swerved down the spiraling stairwell.

"STOP THE RIDE! _I WANNA GET OFF!_" Hobbes shouted.

Chill heard their shouts and swerved towards the broken door.

"READY OR NOT, HERE COMES CHILL!" he shouted.

But then he realized where he was headed.

"Whoa there, Courtney Love!" he shouted, sticking the broom up and jamming it into the doorframe.

He screeched to a halt.

"No matter! Chill always knows how to get out of a tight spot!"

Chill jumped out of the cart and ran for the elevator.

"Onward and downward!" he shouted.

He pressed the button.

He waited.

About a minute passed.

Chill was getting bored.

He was about to consider whether or not this was worth it, when the doors opened.

People were inside.

"OKAY, EVERYONE OUT!" Chill shouted.

Everyone stared at him.

Chill sighed.

"Okay, we'll do it the hard way."

He took his hand and stuck it in his pocket, and then held it up like a gun.

Clever.

"THIS IS A STICK-'EM-UP HOLD UP!" he shouted.

Everyone screamed.

"Get out! Out now!"

Everyone ran out of the elevator.

Chill glared at them.

Then he pulled out his hand.

No gun.

"HA! PSYCH!"

And he turned to the elevator…

…only to bash into the now-closed doors.

_BANG! _

"OW! MY POOR NOSE!"

He pressed the button in annoyance.

Then he glanced over his shoulder.

Everyone was reaching out to beat him up with lethal expressions on their faces.

"Uh…"

The door opened.

Chill dove inside and hit the CLOSE DOORS button.

The doors shut.

Chill quickly pressed the button that said LOBBY.

"Phew!" he said.

The elevator started to go down.

"All right!" he cheered. "Things are looking up!"

Suddenly, there was a loud _BANG!_

The elevator jolted.

Chill fell down.

"What th—?!"

Chill looked around.

The elevator had stopped moving.

"Uh-oh," he muttered.

Chill reached over and grabbed the emergency phone.

He dialed the desk.

Someone answered.

"Hello?"

"Yes, my name is…Ralph, and I'm stuck in the elevator, which has broken down between floors. I don't suppose you could rescue me, could you?" Chill said.

"I'm afraid that a kid has eaten all our food, so we had to send our elevator repairman with the rest of the staff out to get more food. They'll be back in a few hours, so just sit tight."

And he hung up.

Chill growled.

"CURSE THAT CHILD!" he bellowed.

But then he had an idea.

He ripped the carpeting out of the floor of the elevator.

Then he pulled a little drill out of his pocket.

He turned it on and started to drill a hole in the floor.

"I'm a villain, so I won't have to pay for the damage," he giggled.

Moron.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes had just burst out of the stairwell.

They weren't on the bottom floor, but Calvin had decided that it was for the best that they find a different way out.

That, and Hobbes was feeling ill, and he didn't want barf on all the stuff they'd saved.

"Okay, now what?" asked Hobbes.

"We find a fire escape!" said Calvin. "Once there, we can just jump into the box, and fly away!"

"Good plan!"

But there wasn't a fire escape on this floor.

Odd, huh?

"Okay, we've circled this hallway for five minutes! Now what?" asked Hobbes.

"Okay, uh, hide in the hypercube! I've got another idea!"

Hobbes shrugged and dove into the hypercube.

"Wow!" he shouted. "It's roomy in here!"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

Then he saw a window just at the end of the hall.

He tucked the hypercube into his pocket.

Then he put the fan on _high_.

He put on his helmet.

"GERONIMO AGAIN!" he yelled.

He ducked.

The cart charged.

_CRASH!_

The cart flew out the window.

Calvin reached into the hypercube and pulled out the box.

He got inside.

He engaged the hover feature.

The box stopped in midair.

Calvin watched the cart fly into a department store across the street.

_CRASH!_

"Whoa," he said.

Hobbes looked out of the hypercube.

"Well, that could've been done a little neater," he said.

"Come on. Let's find a new hotel," said Calvin.

"But we left out new stuff in the old room! Let's go back and get it all!"

Calvin agreed, and flew back into the hotel.

Calvin landed outside the front door, and then he and Hobbes loaded the box back into they hypercube.

"Wow," said Calvin. "It just occurred to me that whole part of the story was pointless."

"Uh-huh."

Calvin and Hobbes entered the hotel.

The clerk saw them.

"The maid finished with your room," he said. "She said that there was a crazed guy running out of there that stole her utility vehicle. We'd like to know who that was."

"Oh, that was Rupert Chill," said Calvin, nonchalantly.

The clerk's eyes bugged out.

"What?"

"Oh, don't worry. Not the alien Rupert. The human Rupert. But we just call him Chill."

"You mean the escaped convict, Rupert Chill?"

"Yeah, he kidnapped us right before we saved the world from the aliens. Well, I'll be seeing ya."

And Calvin and Hobbes left.

The clerk grabbed a speaker.

"ATTENTION, ALL HOTEL GUESTS AND EMPLOYEES! ESCAPED CONVICT, RUPERT CHILL, HAS BEEN LOCATED IN THE BUILDING! HE IS ARMED AND DANGEROUS! PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!"

Chill was had just finished ripping up the floor to the elevator and was beginning to climb down the cable.

"Huh?" he asked. "Who said my name?"

Everyone screamed.

Chaos ensued.

Calvin and Hobbes were heading up the stairs when they saw a stampede coming down them.

The elevator was still broken.

Calvin and Hobbes got out of the way and watched as everyone screamed and shouted and ran in circles, and did anything but evacuate immediately.

"This is entertaining," said Calvin.

"I'll say? Popcorn?" offered Hobbes.

"No thanks. I'm stuffed."


	11. It's a Cruel Summer

"AND STAY OUT!" And with that, the manager of the Perfect Wonder Inn slammed the door, leaving Calvin and Hobbes outside.

Calvin blinked.

"Well, at least we're away from Chill." He said.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the hotel, everyone in the hotel were panicking, running around in circles, and trying to get out of Chill's way as he streamed past them.

He walked up to a terrified hotel clerk.

"Out of my way, FOOL! And furthermore, your mother was an ugly toad!"

The clerk screamed, and rushed off.

Chill chuckled.

"When you're a villain, everyone respects you."

Uh huh.

Just then several police cars screeched to a stop in front of the Inn.

Chill watched from a window on the eighth floor.

"Except _those_ guys." He said, as the police burst out of their cars, and ran into the hotel holding their guns.

Chill walked past the screaming, scurrying crowd over to the stairs.

"This should take care of those coppers!" He chuckled.

He kicked a stack of ten gallon buckets, and they all went tumbling down the stairs.

Chill chortled.

"That takes care of that."

Just then, the elevator door opened, and several policemen came running out.

Chill watched.

"Unless they do that." He said. "Ah well, ON TO PLAN B!"

"FREEZE!" A policeman screamed, pointing his gun at Chill.

"YOU'LL NEVER THAW _ME_, COPPERS!" Chill screamed.

And with that, he leaped onto the railing, and went sliding down the stairs.

The police went after him.

Chill continued to slide down the railing, ad he watched as the police tripped over the buckets and other things Chill flung down the stairs.

"Heh, heh," Chill laughed. "That takes care of that." He turned around. "Now to enjoy the ride to the bottom of the... OH NO!"

The railing ended with a statue of cupid on the end, holding an arrow up.

The sharp end was pointing right at Chill.

Chill grabbed hold of both sides of the railing, and he slowly started to slow down.

He was inches away from the metal point, when he stopped.

Chill opened one eye.

"Phew!" He sighed.

He leaped off the railing, and rushed past the screaming crowd, and towards the emergency door.

He ripped the door open, and rushed outside.

"YOO HOO!" He screamed. "CALVIN! IT'S ME! RUPERT CHILL! ESCAPED CONVICT AND BROTHER OF JOHN CHILL!"

Chill opened his eyes.

Over a hundred guns were cocked, and pointed at Chill as several policemen stood behind their cars, ready for action.

Chill blinked, several times.

"I gotta stop doing that." He said to himself.

Chill pointed at the sky.

"LOOK! IT'S A...uh..._ CLOUD THAT LOOKS LIKE A DUCK!_"

No one moved.

"Ya know that one, huh?" Chill asked, scratching his head. "VERY WELL!"

Chill grabbed a shovel.

"He's got a weapon!" one of the cops said. "DROP YOUR WEAPON!"

"NEVER!" Chill screamed.

And with that he began...

Do you know what he was doing?

He had taken the shovel, and he was now trying to _dig_ his way out!

Can you believe that?

I can't.

The policemen all stared at Chill in disbelief as he flung dirt over his shoulder, and continued digging.

When the hole was five feet deep, Chill paused, and turned back to the crowd of authorities.

"Ya know, if you had an _ounce_ of decency left in ya, you'd let me do this for all the trouble I went through."

The police stared at him.

Chill went back to digging.

Several policemen exchanged glances.

"Uh huh." One said.

The police began to move towards Chill.

Just then, the sounds of digging stopped.

The police ran up to the six foot hole, and saw...

HUH?!

Chill was gone!

And all at once the police were screaming.

"HOW DID HE DO THAT! WHERE IS HE! WHERE'D HE GO!" And so on.

Chill walked up to his mustang on the other side of the hotel.

"I have to give that Physical Fitness class I took some credit." He chuckled, opening the door. "I can run faster than a speeding bullet."

Chill revved the engine up, and roared away from the hotel.

Calvin and Hobbes walked away from the hotel.

"Well, now what are we going to do?" Calvin asked. "We're lost in a huge city, there's some crazed lunatic after us, and The Perfect Wonder Inn kicked us out!"

"The story of my life." Hobbes said.

"Well, maybe we can stay at another hotel." Calvin said. "After all we have..."

Calvin reached into his pocket.

His grin faded.

Hobbes stared at him.

"You lost the wallet, didn't you?" He asked.

"Maybe."

"Terrific. We're lost _and_ broke."

"Well, on the bright side, Chill hasn't killed us."

"How comforting."

"It is, isn't it?"

_Hot summer streets and the pavements are burning. I sit around. _

Calvin and Hobbes spent the next few hours roaming the city.

_Trying to smile, but the air is so heavy and dry. _

To add insult to injury, it was summer, so right now it was _really_ hot outside. They were sweating up a flood!

_Strange voices are saying (ah, what did they say?) things I can't understand. _

They attempted to get a ride on a bus, but were thrown off when they didn't have any change.

_It's too close for comfort; this heat has got right out of hand. _

After yelling many unkind things at the bus as it drove away, Calvin picked himself off of the sidewalk and carried on, and Hobbes loyally followed.

_It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer leaving me here on my own. _

Calvin and Hobbes examined a map of the city. They found a little dot that said "YOU ARE HERE…AND ARE HOPELESSLY LOST".

_It's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer. _

Calvin and Hobbes walked throughout the city until the sun started to set.

_Now you're gone. You're not the only one. It's a cruel… _

When nighttime came around, they slept on the benches at the park.

They stayed there until a bunch of dogs came along and chased them away.

_The city is crowded, my friends are away and I'm on my own. _

Calvin and Hobbes walked through a thick crowd in the middle of a street.

A car released its exhaust all over them.

Calvin kicked the car and ran.

_It's too hot to handle, so I gotta get up and go, and go. _

Hobbes rolled his eyes and ran after him.

_It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer leaving me here on my own. _

The sun started to beat down on them now.

They actually felt like they were melting.

_It's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer. _

Calvin pulled a small handheld fan out of the hypercube, and for a few seconds, he felt cooler. But then it broke down, and then he threw it away in disgust.

_Now you're gone. You're not the only one. _

Later, Calvin stood impatiently outside a restroom.

Finally, Hobbes came out.

_It's a cruel, cruel summer (leaving me) leaving me here on my own. _

Calvin and Hobbes held up a map and looked at a bunch of street signs.

They were pointing in several directions.

Calvin looked from the signs to the map, and then back to the signs.

Then he crumpled up the map and threw it away.

_It's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer. Now you're gone. You're not the only one. It's a cruel… _

Calvin started hitting a street sign with his foot in frustration.

Hobbes watched with interest.

_Now don't you leave me. Now don't you leave me. Well don't you leave me. Come on, come on. _

Next they spotted an ice cream cart.

Calvin activated the time pauser.

**_BOOM!_**

Desperate from starvation, Calvin and Hobbes jumped inside the cart.

But during the raid, Calvin accidentally unpaused time.

**_BOOM! _**

And then the brakes came loose.

_Now don't you leave me. Now don't you leave me. Well don't you leave me. Come on, come on. _

The ice cream guy turned around just in time to see the cart roll away.

Calvin and Hobbes hadn't noticed yet. They just kept eating as much ice cream as they could.

Finally the cart crashed into streetlight, and Calvin and Hobbes were flung from it, and soared from it and flew away.

_It's a cruel, cruel summer (leaving me) leaving me here on my own. It's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer. Now you're gone. You're not the only one. _

Calvin and Hobbes wandered the town with now sticky bodies and sick stomachs. They decided to swear off junk food for the rest of the day.

They got sick just looking at a baby sucking on a lollipop.

_It's a cruel, cruel summer. It's a cruel, (it's a cruel) cruel summer. _

That night, they slept a football stadium. They lay around and watched the stars.

Right now, all they wanted was to go home.

_It's a cruel summer. _


	12. Any Evidence?

Chill was cruising the highway, searching the streets.

"Calvin? Get out here!" he shouted. "I can't exact my revenge if you're hiding from me! So get out here now!"

Chill honked the horn impatiently.

"Why can't things ever be easy for the bad guy?" he demanded.

Chill pulled over and got out.

But he put on a fake mustache just in case the cops were nearby.

He climbed on top of the car, and he pulled out a pair of binoculars. He started to look around the city through some binoculars.

"Hmmmm… Hmmmm… Hmmmm… Hmmmm… Hm—oh! I think that's him!"

Chill could see a spiky yellow blob and another orange and black blob running down the sidewalk just ahead.

"Gee… I wonder how I can be sure…," he pondered.

There was a brief pause.

Then he took a deep breath and screamed.

"CHOCOLATE FROSTED SUGAR BOMBS FOR FREE! COME AND GET 'EM!"

_ZIP! _

Calvin and Hobbes were at him in a second.

"Free cereal? Where? Where? Where?" Calvin squealed.

Hobbes tapped him on the shoulder.

Calvin looked up at him.

Hobbes pointed at Chill.

Calvin looked at Chill.

"Oh."

Another brief pause.

"RUN!"

Calvin and Hobbes tore down the street and across the street.

Calvin ripped out the hypercube, and yanked out the wagon, and slammed it on the ground. Hobbes hopped into the back, and Calvin jumped in front and took control.

Chill swerved around the corner, shouted in shock at the sudden appearance of the wagon, nearly swerved into a cop, and then resumed his normal state of mind.

The cops got angry, and they started chasing them.

Chill looked over his shoulder and saw the cops.

"Shoot," he muttered. "Oh well. Might as well get some good chase music."

Mark Joseph's _Any Evidence_ came out of Chill's speakers.

_(So tell me now) Is there any evidence that I'm goin' down? _

Chill stomped on the gas and sped ahead.

Hobbes put the MTM on the back of the wagon and activated the fan feature.

_(Show me how) Is there any evidence that I'm not around? _

Calvin shot across a street during a green light.

Cars swerved to avoid him.

Chill managed to avoid them.

And the cops managed to keep on Chill's trail.

_Well it's been hard, make no mistake. So try harder. Give me a break. But now where am I going to? _

Calvin shot towards a drawbridge that was opening up to let a ship go through.

Hobbes put the fan on _HIGH_ and they shot up and over the opening bridge, just barely making it.

Chill saw the bridge and knew better, so he took the next road that went around it.

The cops followed him.

_At night when everyone's asleep, I lay awake. I'm thinkin' deep about all that I have to prove. _

Calvin and Hobbes ran through an empty street and bounced over a mailbox and mailman.

The mailman stared for a minute, stuck the letters in the mailbox, stared again, and then ran off.

_I crossed that bridge to the other side, but get nowhere 'cause it's in my mind._

Calvin and Hobbes then saw a bridge that was under repair.

Hobbes saw a pole that was sticking out of the ground.

He reached out and grabbed it, and the wagon swung out over the ledge and then back the way they'd came.

_Now I've nothing left to lose! _

Calvin and Hobbes high-fived and roared down the road again.

_(So tell me now) Is there any evidence that I'm going down? _

Chill, meanwhile, was trying to ditch the cops.

He was swerving all over a hilly street.

_(Show me how) Is there any evidence that I'm not around? _

Then Chill saw the wharf just ahead, which led straight to the bay.

It gave him an idea.

He sped towards it.

The cops followed.

_Well it's been hard, make no mistake. So try harder. Give me a break. But now where am I going to? _

Chill sped all the way down to the end of the wharf.

The cops started to pull alongside.

But just before the end, Chill slammed on the brakes.

The cops didn't see the edge and flew clean off.

_SPLOOSH! _

Chill burst out laughing.

"SO LONG, COPPERS!" he screamed.

_So where am I going to? _

Just then, he saw Calvin and Hobbes race by in his rearview mirror.

Chill turned the Mustang around and followed them.

"Over the streets, and past skyscrapers; look out, boy and tiger. It's your worst caper!" he mused.

Calvin then saw a movie theater.

He swerved the wagon around and towards it.

Without even looking at the ticket-taker, he shouted, "CAN'T STOP! BIG EMERGENCY!"

And they disappeared through the door.

The ticket-taker looked ahead…

…and saw a Mustang roaring straight at her.

"Oh…my…," she mumbled.

She ran out of the booth and out of the way.

Chill laughed manically.

"ONE TICKET FOR THE ACTION FLICK, BABY!" he boomed.

_CRASH! _

He demolished the ticket booth.

And there was a fountain not too far behind it.

So that meant another italic sound effect.

_SPLASH!_

Chill got out and examined the car.

It was smashed.

"Eh, I could nick that out."

Then the engine exploded.

"Ummm… Gee, what's Calvin doing right now?"

Chill ran into the theater.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes had long since stuck the wagon and MTM back into the hypercube, and were currently wandering the theater.

"Okay," whispered Calvin. "We need to find a way to get into a theater and hide."

"Right behind ya," said Hobbes.

But then, Calvin noticed a round brown patch of hair walking through a crowd.

And in the person's pocket was a little ball of fur.

"What th—?" he whispered. "Hobbes, look! I think I see Andy and Sherman over there!"

"Huh?"

"Look! The red jersey, the blue jeans, the chain _on_ the jeans, the bad hair, the precious hamster in his pocket, not to mention the eye of a guy who knows technology."

"Wow! What're _they_ doing here?" Hobbes wondered.

"Who cares? Maybe they can help us!" said Calvin. "Come on!"

Calvin ran after them, but Hobbes was a little slow.

He didn't like the idea of working on a plan with _Sherman_.

And they ducked into the dark theater.

Chill entered the building a second after the door shut.

"Heh, heh, heh!" He chuckled, evilly.


	13. Theater Panic

Calvin and Hobbes crept through the movie theater.

It was some action movie. I don't know what it was.

They spotted Andy and Sherman sitting in the seats next to the aisle.

Calvin and Hobbes ducked down and slithered like snakes towards their seats.

Andy was eating popcorn and paying close attention to the screen.

Sherman was asleep on the armrest.

He didn't care much for action movies.

Calvin and Hobbes saw Andy's legs dangling in front of them.

"Psst! Andy!" Calvin hissed.

"Andy! Down here!" Hobbes whispered.

But Andy was too busy watching the movie.

"Psssssst!" Calvin hissed, a little louder this time.

"Shhh!" someone said.

"You shhh!" Calvin shot back.

"Andy, it's Calvin and Hobbes," hissed Hobbes. "Look down."

Andy didn't notice.

Calvin slapped his forehead.

"Hobbes, do something."

Hobbes nodded.

He extended his claws, and then poked Andy's legs.

_That _got him.

"YEOWCH!" Andy hollered.

He shot into the air, and then landed back in his seat, but upside down.

Sherman woke up with a start.

"SHHH!" the entire theater hissed.

"Sorry," replied Andy.

Then Andy saw Calvin and Hobbes grinning at him.

"Hi, are y'all today?" Hobbes said lazily.

"Calvin? Hobbes?" Andy asked.

Sherman looked down.

"Wha…? Why are _they_ here?" he demanded. "Can't we ever go anywhere without them interfering?"

"Nice to see you too, Vermin," said Hobbes.

"Andy, Sherman, we need your help," said Calvin. "Rupert Chill is after us again!"

"The alien?" asked Andy.

"No, the human. Brother to John Chill, convict, and complete moron," said Hobbes.

"Oh."

"He's here trying to kill us, and we need your help to get away from here," said Calvin.

"But how will we know what he looks like?" asked Sherman. "We've never seen him before."

Just then, the doors to the theater burst open, and there stood a man with short hair and red boots.

"HELLO, UNSUSPECTING MOVIE-GOERS!" he shouted. "I'M A VILLAIN! I'VE GOT A RUBBER DUCKY AND I BARELY KNOW HOW TO USE IT! GIVE ME YOUR CLAMS…AND DIRECTIONS TO A RESTROOM!"

Andy and Sherman stared at him.

"Ooooh…," they said together.

Everyone just stared.

An employee approached him.

"Um, sir, do you have a ticket?" he asked.

"DON'T NEED ONE! _I'M EVIL_!"

"Uh-huh. Listen, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Why should I? I'm Rupert Chill, and I'm here for Calvin!"

The employee paused.

Then he turned to the crowd.

"IT'S RUPERT CHILL! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" he shouted.

Everyone panicked and screamed and ran around.

Chill threw his head back, held his arms above his head, and laughed insanely at the panic.

"Huh," said Hobbes. "Everywhere Chill goes, chaos follows."

"Strange," agreed Andy.

"Quick," said Calvin. "Blend in with the crowd. We should be able to get out."

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy crawled through the crowd.

Sherman was safe in Andy's pocket.

It took a while, but they finally made their way out of the theater.

Unfortunately, Chill saw them.

"Get back here, punk!" he shouted.

And he ran after them.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman tore down the halls of the theater.

They passed many movie posters that were on the walls.

"Huh," said Andy, looking at one of them. "Didn't know _that _was a movie."

They ran past the concession stand.

They jumped over the counter and hid in the back.

Chill followed them.

"XEROX COPIES OF THIS CHASE WILL BE AVAILABLE IN THE LOBBY!" he hollered.

Still a moron.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman tore around the supply room.

"SPLIT UP!" yelled Hobbes.

Chill was confused now.

"Wait, where did the other kid and the rat come from?" he demanded.

"HAMSTER!" shouted Sherman, but Andy hushed him.

"Ah well, no matter. Nothing better than destroying friends of my victims," Chill decided.

Chill ran down the rows of popcorn kernels and soda and other candies.

To Calvin, it was all too good to be true.

He immediately loaded candy and sodas into the hypercube.

Then he picked up a small box of chocolate-coated peanuts.

"Hey, Hobbes," he said. "Did you know there's such a candy named Goobers?"

"CALVIN, HELP US OUT HERE!" Hobbes shouted.

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were running from Chill.

Calvin then got an idea.

He opened up five boxes of Goobers, waited for Hobbes and company to pass, and then spilled the Goobers on the floor.

Chill came around the corner and slid on them as if they were marbles.

"WHOA!" he shouted. " HOUSTON! WE HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM HERE!"

And Chill collided with a giant vat of Dr Pepper.

_KABLAM! _

_SPLASH! _

It spilled everywhere.

"GLUG! GLUG! SAVE ME! I'M DROWING IN MY FAVORITE BEVERAGE! HELP! I'M GOING DOWN FOR THE THIRD TIME!"

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman took this as an opportunity to escape.

They ran from the theater and took off.

Chill, meanwhile, spent three minutes in a puddle of Dr Pepper, screaming for help and a life preserver.

Finally, though, he managed to realize he was just sticky.

"Okay, so now boy and tiger have some accomplices. Very well. I love a challenge."

And he got up.

And then he slipped and fell face-first on the floor.

"Ow."

* * *

After they were sure they'd lost Chill, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman walked down the streets.

"So what are you two doing here?" asked Calvin.

"My dad has work to do at the university," explained Andy. "So he brought us along."

"Yep," said Sherman. "It's good to see the ol' university again. I remember this one time—"

"SHUT UP!" Hobbes shouted.

Sherman snorted and looked away.

"Well, we're currently lost in the middle of this city," said Calvin. "So we need a place to go. I don't suppose you would know where?"

"You could stay with us at the dormitory," said Andy. "They've got great video games."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Okay we'll stay there, but we need to develop a plan as to what to do about Chill. He's going to find us again eventually."

"Somehow he overcomes his moronery and pulls through," agreed Hobbes.

"Okay," said Andy. "The university is just around this corner."

They rounded a corner, and there stood a gigantic building just through some gates.

"Whoa…," said Calvin.

"So this is the infamous university?" asked Hobbes. "The one where Sherman learned to talk and had all that knowledge pumped into his brain?"

"Yup," said Sherman proudly.

There was a pause.

"Let's torch the place," Hobbes said darkly.

Everyone else rolled their eyes and entered.


	14. Idiots in the University

Chill stood up, and dusted himself off.

He had spent fifteen minutes trapped in a gooey, sticky soda pop mess, and he was completely trapped.

But he was free, now, and now he rushed out of the theater, and into the streets. Which happened to be _packed_ with people at the moment.

Chill pushed past several people without saying excuse me (Thinking that villains were impervious to manners), and started for an open area where he could think about his situation.

Impervious to manners. Give me a break.

Chill stepped out into the open, and rubbed his head in thought.

"Let me think here," he said to himself. "If I were a maniac kid where would I hide?"

He looked around.

His eyes fell on the University, which was a few blocks away, but in perfect view.

He rubbed his chin.

"Hmmm," He said.

Then he waved his hand.

"Nah, he's not in there. That's illogical"

Chill turned to leave.

Then he stopped, and whirled around.

"Illogical is my middle name! UNIVERSITY! HERE COMES CHILL!"

Ho boy.

Chill rushed across the street, and zoomed towards the University.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman entered the University.

It was pretty much not much different than an ordinary University.

There were people working at the desks, there were skeletons of small dinosaurs in the Visitor's Center, there was some tour going on, and so on.

Calvin looked around.

"This is the most boring place I've ever seen." he stated. "I'll bet it even comes with a library."

"Yes it does." Sherman said, grumpily.

"Doesn't surprise me."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Come on, we need to hide. Chill should be here any minute."

"We can go see my Dad. He's on the top floor." Andy said.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman rushed off.

Just as they entered the elevator, Chill burst inside.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" He screamed. "CHILL HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING!"

Everyone looked up.

Chill, still holding that weird grin of his, cut his eyes from side to side.

"I'm on a search and destroy mission." He said. "Can any of you help me find Mr Calvin and his associates?"

Everyone stared at him.

"You just can't find good help, these days." Chill sighed.

And with that, he rushed towards the elevator, passing the shocked crowd.

He stopped at the elevator door, turned around, and screamed an terrible insult to everyone in the room.

"YOUR MOTHERS WERE ALL UGLY TOADS! SO THERE!"

And with that, he closed the door to the elevator.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Back to work!" Someone called.

And everyone disregarded the lunatic that had just past through.

Moron.

* * *

Chill waited patiently as the elevator traveled upward.

He yawned.

Then the elevator door opened.

Chill grinned, and rushed out.

"Yoo hoo!" He screamed. "Cal-VIN! Come out, come out, wherever thou are!"

Suddenly a man with a uniform walked up.

"Sir, do you have a permission pass?" He demanded.

Chill held up a fist.

"Got plenty permission!" He yelled, pointing at it.

He shoved past the guard.

"Out of my way, punk!"

The guard stood there, shocked for a second, then he pulled his nightstick out.

"FREEZE!" He yelled.

Chill spun around.

"FEAR MY FISTS OF FURY!" He screamed, rushing forward, flailing his arms in all directions.

Chill and the guard collided, and seconds later, the beat up guard rushed out of the dust cloud, and towards the Emergency Button.

He punched it, and all at once, a siren went off.

Chill looked around.

"Oops." He said.

And with that, he screamed, started running in circles, and knocked things off the desks.

Andy, Sherman, Calvin, and Hobbes looked up.

"There's an intruder in the lab!" Andy said.

"I'll bet I know who it is, too." Calvin said.

"Yeah, perhaps we should hide." Hobbes offered.

But before they could, there was an explosion of glass, and Chill went tumbling into the room through the window.

He rolled across the floor, past Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman, who watched his process, then crashed into the wall.

He stood up and brushed himself off.

Then he noticed the looney stares that the three heros... and Sherman were giving him.

"There weren't any guards after me, but I thought going through the window would be more dramatic." He explained.

Still a moron.

Chill finished brushing the glass of him, then made a dive for the three heros.

And Sherman.

"AAAH! RUN!" Calvin screamed.

ZOOM!

Hobbes vanished.

And Calvin, Andy and Sherman thought that was a good idea, so they... uh...

ZOOM!

...vanished too.

Chill crashed into the ground, leaped up, and rushed forward.

After Calvin.

Calvin continued screaming, as Chill rushed after him.

"STOP, PUNK!" Chill screamed.

"He says that like he actually expects me to do it."

"I don't." Chill called back. "I just yelled it to add to the drama."

Calvin screeched to a stop, and whirled around.

Chill, completely not expecting this, flipped over, and crashed into the floor.

Calvin began laughing insanely at Chill's misfortune, then turned around, and rushed away.

Chill grumbled to himself, stood up, and continued the chase, only Calvin had now gained some ground on him.

Calvin rushed into an empty room, slammed the door, and rushed over to the next door.

He tried the knob.

It wouldn't open.

Calvin jerked the knob left and right.

The door was locked.

Uh oh.

A smash sounded outside, signaling that Chill had just crashed into the door.

Calvin looked around, frantically, for something to save himself.

* * *

Chill stood up, rubbed his head, and ripped the door open.

The room was empty.

Chill rushed over to the door, and yanked on the knob.

It was still locked.

"DANG IT!" he yelled. "No matter! I'll just go tear the lab up more until I find him!"

And with that, Chill rushed out of the room.

Calvin climbed down off the ceiling, and sighed.

He opened the door.

Chill was standing on the other side, grinning.

"AH HA!" he screamed. "GOTCHYA!"

He grabbed Calvin by his arms.

"Did you really think I was that stupid!" He laughed.

"Yes." Calvin replied.

Chill stopped laughing.

"Not funny. Now come! I have VENGEANCE to fufill!"

At that very moment, there was a clang, and Chill dropped Calvin.

Calvin looked up.

A paint can, was on top of Chill's head, and green paint was dripping on his shirt.

Calvin looked around.

Hobbes was on the rafters, holding another can of paint.

"HOBBES!" He yelled.

Hobbes leaped off the rafters, and landed next to Calvin.

"OK, that's my good deed of the month." He said. "Shall we depart before Chilly over there gets his head out of the can?"

"Let's."

Calvin and Hobbes rushed out of the room.

Chill tugged and pulled at the can, until it finally popped off,

He was now covered with green paint.

Now he looked like an I-don't-know-what.

Like some kind of deranged green goo monster.

In combat boots.

Sure.

Chill spit paint out of his mouth, rubbed it out of his eyes, and rushed after Calvin and Hobbes.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes rushed into the Main Lab.

Where they just happened to find Andy and Sherman.

"Where's that short haired creep!" Sherman yelled.

"He's taking painting lessons." Hobbes said. "Hurry! Hide!"

There was a scuffle, and Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman both dove behind a bunch of desks.

There were a lot of desks.

And beakers.

Chill burst into the room.

He had gotten most of the paint off him, and he was now angrier than ever.

He cut his eyes from side to side.

"I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not alone in this room." He said, darkly.

Then, he grinned.

"Heh, this is just like that scene in Jurassic Park! Except I'm not a velociraptor, and there's two kids a tiger and a rat in here instead of just two kids."

Sherman was about top scream a correction, when Andy, luckily, shut him up before it was too late.

Chill began to stalk into the lab.

But first, he turned the light off, to add to the drama.

Then he tripped over a trash can, and one of the desks, because it was so dark.

He's _still_ a moron.

"Oh Calvin!" he called. "I know your in here! Give yourself up! Or _don't _give yourself up! It'll make things more interesting."

And with that, he burst out into a lunatic laugh.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged terrified glances.

They were in **_BIG_** trouble.


	15. The Only Cab on the Road

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman refused to breathe.

Chill was serious now.

Well…

As serious as he _could_ be.

Chill lifted a desk high above himself.

No one was under it.

"Darn it," he muttered.

Then he lifted up the one next to it.

"Darn it."

Then he lifted up the next one.

"Darn it."

Again.

"Darn it."

Again.

"Darn it."

Sherman counted all the desks.

"There's a total of twenty-five desks in this lab," he whispered.

"Why doesn't Chill just look under them?" asked Andy.

Chill picked up his sixth desk.

"Darn it. Hey, free gum!"

And he scraped a blue gob off from the underside of the desk.

Andy stared.

"Never mind," he muttered.

Calvin looked around.

He spotted something in the corner.

It was an air duct.

"Okay, at the rate he's going, we should have enough time to get to the air ducts and crawl out of here safely," he whispered.

Hobbes went first, and he motioned for the others to stay put.

With perfect silence, Hobbes slunk towards the air duct.

It was covered, but Hobbes had a plan.

He extended a claw, and started to unscrew it.

"Easy does it…," he muttered.

One screw was removed.

Hobbes checked to see how Chill was doing.

Chill was up to his tenth desk.

And he was complaining about the strange flavor of the gum.

Oy.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and resumed.

Soon, he removed all the screws.

Then, he gently removed the cover.

Then he checked Chill again.

He was now up to the twentieth desk.

Only five more.

Hobbes gulped, and then motioned for the others to follow.

Calvin slipped over to Hobbes.

Andy tucked Sherman away in his pocket, and then slunk over to them.

"Okay, I'll go first," said Hobbes. "Just wait for my signal."

Hobbes extended his claws, and then climbed into the tiny compartment.

Using his claws, Hobbes managed to grip onto the metal and climb up through the wall towards the ceiling.

Calvin and Andy checked Chill.

He only had three more desks left.

"Hurry up!" Calvin hissed.

"Keep your pants on. I'm almost there."

Finally, Hobbes' tail dropped down.

"Grab on," he said.

Calvin grabbed onto the tail, and Hobbes started to climb.

But it was a struggle.

"Man, Calvin, we really _did_ eat that place out of house and home," he gasped.

"Shut up," Calvin snapped.

Hobbes struggled upwards until he finally saw the top.

By now, Calvin was high enough for Andy to grab onto Calvin's feet.

Sherman was still safely tucked away in his pocket.

Hobbes reached onto the top of the vent, where he saw an opening that led to a hallway.

"Okay, hang on," said Hobbes.

"We are," said Calvin.

By now, however, Chill had gone through all the desks.

"Well shucky darn, where are they?" he wondered.

Just then, he heard a clunk come from behind him.

He glanced behind himself.

He saw Andy standing in the air duct, staring at him nervously.

Andy thought about what he could say here.

Not much came to mind.

"Uh…Hobbes? Ya might wanna hurry up."

And suddenly, Hobbes lifted his tail up, and that lifted Calvin, and that lifted Andy and Sherman.

Chill stared at the now empty space.

Then he got homicidal.

"Oh, no ya don't!" he shouted.

And he ran to the vent.

But when he looked up it, there was no sign of anyone.

* * *

Outside the vent, Hobbes had managed to open another vent, and had climbed down into the hall. Calvin followed, and then they helped Andy down.

"Well, that wasn't so bad," he said, wiping himself clean.

Sherman popped out of his pocket and gasped.

"Are you serious?" he demanded. "I've never spent so much time in a pocket!"

"Shut up, Shermie," said Andy.

"What do we do now?" asked Hobbes.

Just then, the door burst open, and Chill came out.

"How about we run in fear?" suggested Calvin.

"Sounds like a plan," said Andy.

And screaming in terror, the four of them ran away.

Chill growled.

"OKAY, BOYS!" he shouted. "LET'S GET JIGGY WIT IT!"

And he tore after them.

_New York__ snow this time of year. There's nothing more beautiful to me…except for you. _

When they came to a fork, they split up.

Calvin and Hobbes went one way, and Andy and Sherman went the other way.

Deciding that they were who he came for, Chill followed Calvin and Hobbes.

_Making my way uptown and down, seeing familiar places and faces in my pile of coffee grounds. _

Calvin and Hobbes burst through the Teachers' Lounge, making a wreck of the place as Chill chased them around it.

And when they left, a professor entered, stared at the mess wide-eyed, and then left.

_The days are better; the nights are still so lonely. Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road. _

Calvin and Hobbes ran up along the hallway, and they entered the cafeteria.

Along the way, Hobbes grabbed a tray away from some student, and dropped on the floor behind him.

Chill came running through, stepped on the tray, and then slid along the floor after them.

_Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road. _

Calvin and Hobbes got out of the way and let him slide on past.

Chill screamed bloody murder as he slid into an opening door.

And it was Andy and Sherman who appeared through it, looking around.

_Watching my breath rise in the sun, pulling myself in to make one hopelessly feel for my phone and drive away. _

Andy and Sherman saw Chill, and then ran away.

Chill got up and ran after them.

They ran out of the building and ran out onto the track field.

_This new rhythm I pursue is just my getting over you or telling myself that I need to. _

They ran along the track as fast as they could.

Andy and Chill managed to overtake some runners.

Andy pushed through some red tape, but ignored everyone.

Chill roared in anger, waved at the crowd, blew kisses at them, and then continued.

_The days are better; the nights are still so lonely. Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road. _

Andy, Sherman and Chill ran back into the building and screamed through the library.

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting at some chairs reading comic books, and saw them run by.

Deciding this could wait, they joined them.

_Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road. _

They ran out of the library, and shoved the door open.

The door opened and hit a guy carrying a big stack of papers, who was knocked over and ignored.

Papers flew everywhere.

_I'm still looking for a fare. No one said that it was fair…to be alone. _

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman raced out of the building as fast as they could.

Chill continued to follow and shout and say stupid stuff.

_The days are better; the nights are still so lonely. Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road. _

After fifteen minutes of running in circles around the University, Calvin, Hobbes, and Andy stopped running.

Sherman continued to sit in Andy's pocket.

"Okay," gasped Calvin. "I think we lost him."

"GUESS AGAIN, SPIKY!" shouted a voice from above.

Everyone looked up.

Chill was on the roof.

_The days are better; the nights are still so lonely. Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road. _

Chill jumped off and landed on them.

"Aw man," Hobbes moaned.

There was a massive struggle for a long time.

Probably five minutes.

No one knew about this.

But finally, Chill emerged the victor.

Sherman was trapped in a plastic ball.

Andy and Hobbes were tied together with wire.

And Calvin was being held by his wrists.

Wow. Not too shabby.

_Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road. _

Chill grinned.

And he leaned in real close to Calvin.

"I win," he hissed.

Calvin gulped.

After tying Calvin up with some twine, he tossed them all into the back of a van.

Not a mini-van.

A van that you'd see on _That 70s Show_.

And it wasn't his.

He tossed all for of them inside.

"I hate the ball," moaned Sherman.

"I hate _you_," retorted Hobbes.

Chill slammed the back of the van shut and locked it.

"We're heading for Canada," he announced as he got into the driver's seat.

"Why?" asked Calvin.

"I like their flag."

Everyone groaned.

Finally, Andy asked a very important question.

"Who's van is this?"

"I dunno, but they were dumb to leave the keys in the ignition and doors unlocked," replied Chill.

Ho hum.

Chill started up the van and set off for the border.

"Alrightee," he said. "Onward!"

And they drove off.

Oh no.


	16. Construction Terror

Several minutes went by.

Chill whistled to himself, and looked at the scenery around him.

Just then, Calvin spotted a sign.

ROAD CONSTRUCTION AHEAD!

FINES DOUBLE IN WORK ZONES!

Calvin threw his arms into the air.

"WE'RE SAVED!" He screamed.

He quickly quieted down at Hobbes', Andy's, and Sherman's dark glares.

The van screeched to a stop at the edge of the construction zone.

He whipped his head around, and gave Calvin a big grin.

"Are you now? What gives you that idea?"

There was a moment of silence, as Calvin attempted to recover from Chill's sudden stop, even though he had experienced it three or four dozen times.

"Well," He wondered out loud. "It was just a lucky guess."

Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman groaned.

Chill cut his eyes from side to side.

"You must be forgetting," he chuckled. "I'm a _master_ of disguise! I'll be the old lady with the high medical bills!"

He jabbed a finger at Andy.

"_You _get to be the cute little girl with that red stuff you put on your cheeks in little circles, the pink dress, and who blinks a lot!!"

"WHAT!" Andy shouted, shocked.

Chill ignored him, and pointed a finger at Sherman.

"_You _get be the stupid rat that my exterminator cousin captured!" Sherman's eyes burst open, and his teeth gritted.

Chill pointed at Hobbes.

"_You _get to be my pet Ocelot!"

Hobbes blinked, and moved his eyes from side to side.

Finally, Chill jabbed a finger at Calvin "_And you_ get to be laboratory freak who was genetically altered from a monkey to a human!"

Calvin's eyes caught fire.

"Why you little...! DIE!"

Calvin made a dive for Chill, but Hobbes held him back.

"Calvin, relax, It's not _that_ bad." he said.

"Says you!" Calvin screamed. "All you had to do is change to an Ocelot!"

"Exactly." Hobbes chuckled.

Chill looked up.

"Did I say Ocelot?" He asked, slightly surprised. "I'm sorry, I meant Kangaroo Mouse."

Hobbes blinked.

"And thus, I draw the line." He growled.

He and Calvin made a dive for Chill.

But before they reached him, they crashed into a layer of glass which was separating the driver's seat from the passenger's seat.

Chill chuckled.

"Yes siree, I have inserted a glass thin enough for you to hear me perfectly, but thick enough for you not to break. Heh, heh, heh."

Calvin and Hobbes rubbed their sore heads, and glared at Chill.

Chill reached into his bag, and started pulling out disguises.

* * *

Two policemen stood at the entrance of the road construction.

"Well, this is certainly ridicules," One said. "What are the chances of Chill coming through here?"

At that very moment, a van came bouncing over the hill, and screeched to a stop in front of the two shocked policeman.

The window on the driver's seat rolled down, and an old woman with three chins, spectacles, blonde curly hair, and a green hat stuck her head out the door.

"Why, hello, officers." She... or he said to them. "I was just on my way to the, uh, theater with my two wonderful children."

The policemen exchanged glances.

"Uh, ma'am," one said, "We're on the lookout for a kidnapper..."

Chill gasped.

"Gasp! No! This old world just keeps wickeder and wickeder!"

"Have you seen anything?"

"No, I haven't, I was just on my way to the hospital to finance my foot surgery. I caught my foot in the blender while trying to make something."

"What were you making?" The first policeman asked.

There was a pause.

"I don't know." Chill replied.

"Wait a second," The second policeman said, suspiciously. "I thought you just said you were going to the theater."

"That too." Chill said.

The police stared at him.

"What movie are you going to see?" Tested one of them.

"Attack of the Killer Bowling Balls from Planet DingDong." Chill replied.

"That movie went on DVD three years ago." Said the first policeman.

"Well then, I'm going to see the sequel." Chill shot back.

"That movie doesn't go into theaters for another three years." The second policeman said.

"You'd think the director would put have the decency to put it in now, so I'd have an excuse to escape." Chill said in his normal voice.

The police whipped out their guns.

"Get out of the vehicle, Chill!" They yelled.

Chill didn't move. He kept his cool in fact, as he put on some sunglasses, and took the costume off.

"Ya know, I wish you cops would call cars cars. That way all of us, including us respect-demanding villains would know what your talking about."

And with that, Chill slammed his foot on the brakes.

There was a moment of silence.

Chill stared at where his foot now rested.

"Huh." He said. "Well, this is awkward. Let's try that again."

Chill lifted his foot off the brakes, and stomped on the accelerator, instead.

Which was probably the more useful approach.

The engine roared to life, and Chill zoomed past the police, and down the road.

The police shot at the car for a while, then called for backup, as they leaped into their police cars.

Chill looked into his rearview mirrors, and saw the black and white cars chasing him.

"Geez, these guys never quit." He muttered.

"Uh, Mr Chill?" Andy asked. "This is a construction site, so do you think you could slow down a bit?"

"Why should I do that?" Chill asked. "I like watching the construction workers flee in terror.

Just then, Chill came to a sign that said DETOUR, and pointed to a dirt road.

Chill rammed into the sign, breaking into pieces.

Chill watched the wood flying over the windshield.

"Hmm, well maybe it would have been a better idea to follow the sign's directions." He considered.

At that very moment, the entire van roared off of a cliff, falling one thousand feet to the ground.

Chill stuck his head out the window, as saw that they were airborn.

"Correction." He said. "It _would_ have been a better idea to follow the sign's directions."

Chill brought his head back into the car, removed the glass wall, and began shaking hands with Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman.

"Been nice knowing you." He said. "Are there any parachutes in here?"

"No." Calvin growled.

"Huh. Weird. _MY_ car had a parachute in it."

"Do you even own a car?" Hobbes asked. "You're always stealing them."

"True, I hadn't thought of that."

There was a moment of silence.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**" Everyone screamed, as the van plummeted downward towards the ground.

Just then, the van crash landed on a giant tree, which softened the fall.

Then, the car slowly sank through the branches, and to the ground.

Calvin was the first to stop screaming, and look around.

Then he looked over at Chill.

He was still screaming.

Hmmm,

"DIE!" Calvin shrieked, lunging at Chill.

Chill stopped screaming, and opened his eyes in time to see the lunatic boy leap on top of him.

"ACK!" Chill screeched, falling backward.

Calvin kicked at Chill several times, then screamed, "COME ON! HE'S DOWN! NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO ESCAPE!"

It took Andy, Sherman, and Hobbes a second to get over the shock of what Calvin just did, and then they prepared for a quick getaway.

Calvin leaped off Chill and out the window, then rushed off.

He zoomed through the trees, until he reached the buildings, again, then he kept on running.

Then, after a while, he came to a phone booth.

He paused there, and began panting, leaning against the booth.

"Well," He sighed. "I think we lost him."

Calvin turned around.

It was then that he made a terrible discovery.

Andy, Sherman, and Hobbes were not behind him.

Uh oh.


	17. Gone

Calvin got extremely scared.

It became apparent that the others hadn't been able to escape.

That meant it was up to him.

And Calvin took this responsibility very seriously.

Well……kind of.

"NEVER FEAR, BOYS!" he shouted. "I'LL COME BACK FOR YA!"

And he started running back the way he came.

But then he halted.

"Wait. I might wanna actually plan this one out."

Then Calvin saw the phone booth.

That gave him a good idea.

I mean a _really_ good idea this time.

Calvin grabbed the phone and then dialed 911.

It rang for a second.

Then an operator answered.

"This is 911. How may I help you?"

"Yes, this is Calvin the Bold," he said. "I'm reporting the location of famed villain and kidnapper, Rupert Chill."

There was a pause.

"Why should we believe you?" she asked.

"How about the fact that I'm the Calvin that saved the world from the aliens Rupert and Earl. How about that?"

"I'm sorry, how old are you?"

"I'm six."

"Well, why should I believe a six year old boy about the location of a well-known kidnapper."

"Ummm…," Calvin said unsurely. "Because it would be really nice of you?"

CLICK!

"Aw, come on!" Calvin shouted. He slammed the phone down on the cradle. "How the heck am I supposed to save the others now?"

Calvin glanced upwards.

He saw the University.

Calvin's mind started to go into full overdrive.

Hmmmm…

"Wait a minute…," he thought.

Then a grin spread across Calvin's face.

He tore across the street towards it and burst through the doors.

He ran to the front office and up the desk.

"Can I help you?" asked a receptionist.

"Yeah, I need to talk to Andy's dad," he said.

"Who's Andy's dad?"

"I dunno. Andy never told me his last name. But you know the kid named Andy, right?"

"I might. I'm not sure."

"Andy. He's the kid of one of your former professors. He's got brown hair, a red jersey…"

Calvin noticed the blank expression on her face.

"He's got the hamster that squeaks a lot," Calvin sighed.

"Oh, _that _kid," she said. "Yes, his father's on the top floor. Room 7C."

Calvin tore out of there and hopped onto the elevator.

After a minute, he popped out on the top floor and ran as fast as he could towards 7C.

When he got there, he rammed his fists into the door.

_WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! _

The door opened, and a man wearing a lab coat, rectangular glasses, light brown hair and kind of skinny.

He looked down in surprise.

"Calvin?" he asked.

"Hi, Mister Andy's Dad!" he said. "You've gotta help me!"

"Wait, what are you doing here?"

"I'll explain later. Right now, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman are in trouble!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Chill was incredibly steamed about losing Calvin again.

He was out on the side of the road, rolling around and beating himself for being so stupid.

Andy was watching.

"Hey, Chill, what're ya doing?" he shouted.

Chill stood up, beaten and covered in ripped clothes.

"I'm kicking my butt! DO YA MIND?" he hollered.

Hobbes was reading a magazine he'd found.

"Don't worry. He'll be done any minute now."

Sherman rolled around in his ball.

"Where's Calvin supposed to be?" he asked.

"I dunno," said Hobbes. "He probably went to get help."

"You really think so?"

"Not a chance. I had a moment of foolish optimism."

"What do _we_ do?" asked Andy. "We should be trying to escape while Chill's beating himself up."

"I suppose," said Hobbes.

Hobbes activated the switch blade in his claws, which all sprang out, and proceeded to pick the lock, but then he got a devilish grin.

He could see that the keys were in the ignition.

"Heh, heh," he chuckled.

Hobbes slunk over to the front seat.

"Thank god Chill is a total moron, or else we'd be in actual danger."

"What are you doing?" asked Andy warily.

Hobbes' paw was working its way towards the key.

Andy and Sherman gasped.

"He wouldn't!" gasped Sherman.

Hobbes grabbed onto the key.

"He would," said Andy.

Hobbes turned the key.

**_VROOM!_**

"NO! NO! DON'T DO IT! STOP!" Andy and Sherman shouted frantically.

Hobbes extended his tail and pressed it down on the gas.

The van started to move.

Chill looked up from his beating.

"Huh?"

Then he glanced over his shoulder.

The van was slowly pulling away from him.

"Uhhh…unless I stole a not-dead van, I'd say that one of them has decided to drive the van away from me."

Chill paused for a second.

"Yeah, that must be it. GET BACK HERE WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S VAN, YOU THIEVING THIEVES!"

And Chill tore after them.

_This is gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone. _

Hobbes tore down the road as fast as he could.

Chill was strangely fast.

I wonder what kind of boots those are.

_Gone like a freight-train, gone like yesterday. Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang, bang. _

Suddenly, the van screeched to a halt.

Andy and Sherman were tossed forward into the front seat.

"Will you two buckle up?" Hobbes demanded.

_Gone like a '59 Cadillac. Like all the good things that ain't never coming back. _

Then Hobbes shifted into reverse, and the van started to back up.

Chill stopped running after it, and then saw that he was in line for a squash.

"Uh-oh," he muttered.

_She's gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone, she's gone. _

Hobbes backed up towards Chill, who managed to jump out of the way just seconds before impact.

Chill stuck his tongue out at the van.

"HA! You missed!"

Suddenly, the van halted, and it started to come towards him again.

"Huh boy," Chill moaned, and he ran off the road.

Hobbes followed.

_This ain't no give it time, I'm hurtin' but maybe we can work it out, uh, uh, uh. _

The van bucked and bounced all over the place.

Andy and Sherman were bouncing around in the back.

"SLOW DOWN!" Andy shouted.

"GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON!" Hobbes shouted back.

_Won't be no champagne, red rose, romance, second chance, uh, uh, uh. _

"I'M GONNA THROW UP!" Sherman hollered.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"

_This is gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone. _

Chill jumped over rocks, and dove under branches.

Hobbes just ploughed through it all.

_Gone like a freight-train. Gone like yesterday. Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang, bang. _

Chill jumped up into a tree and hid in the branches.

Hobbes saw him and bashed into the tree with the van.

He hit it twice.

_Gone like a '59 Cadillac. Like all the good things that ain't never coming back. _

The tree creaked and tipped over, with Chill still in it.

"MOTHER OF PEARL!" he screamed.

_CRASH! _

"Owie!"

_She's gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone, she's gone. _

Chill emerged from the wreckage unharmed, and then hopped a nearby fence and ran into the a farm.

Hobbes smashed the fence and gave chase.

Pigs, cows, horses, and chickens ran crazily around the farm as Chill and the VW ran through.

"YEHAW!" Hobbes crowed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" screamed Chill, Andy and Sherman.

_She's gone. _

Hobbes and Chill went flying everywhere.

Through hog wallers, through swill troughs, through a silo, through a stack of hay, and then through the chicken coop.

Needless to say, they were covered in filth by now.

_This is gone (gone) gone (gone) gone (gone) gone. _

Chill then made a mad dash for the barn, and hid inside.

Hobbes saw him shutting the doors.

He grinned evilly.

Andy and Sherman braced themselves.

**_VROOOM!_**

Hobbes tore out of the coop and shot through the barn doors.

_CRASH!_

Hobbes then continued to floor it going through the barn, and then left through the other side.

_WHAM!_

_Gone like a freight-train. Gone like yesterday. Gone like a soldier in the civil war, bang, bang. _

The VW emerged from the broken wood and tore down the field, through the gates, and then back onto the road.

The farmer stared at his destroyed farm, and watched as his barn collapsed.

_Gone like a '59 Cadillac. Like all the good things that ain't never coming back. _

Hobbes looked around for Chill, until he heard a loud shrieking noise, and saw that Chill was now hanging on to the roof.

Hobbes grinned deviously and slammed on the brakes.

_SCREECH!_

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman watched in amusement as Chill flew from the roof and sailed away into the distance.

"Must be winter. The Ruperts are flying south," commented Andy.

Chill sailed through the air towards a distant water tower and disappeared.

Then they heard a loud _CRASH_.

Then there was a creak and a groan as the water tipped over and collapsed.

_SPLOOSH!_

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman couldn't see from there, but they imagined that the sight would've been spectacular.

When the noise died down, they heard Chill shout.

"OUCH! THAT HURT!"


	18. Noise

"HELP! MURDER! MAYDAY! OH MY LEG!" Calvin screamed, bursting into the University, bumping his leg on a desk, and rushing towards the elevator.

Several people stared at him as he waiting for the elevator to come, while screaming his head off.

When the elevator came, Calvin screamed and shoved everyone out, and pushed the button for the third floor, still screaming his head off as the doors closed.

Everyone stared at where the insane boy had just gone.

"BACK TO WORK!" Someone called.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin was laying in the elevator, laughing insanely at the scene that he had just caused in the visitor's center.

No comment.

* * *

When the elevator door opened, again, though, Calvin stopped laughing, and returned to the task at hand.

He rushed over to lab 6C, and banged his fists against it.

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

The door opened.

A tall thine man with glasses stood over Calvin.

He looked a lot like Andy, but taller.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Hello, Mr Andy's Dad!" Calvin yelled. "I'm Calvin, Friend of Andy, and arch nemesis of Rupert Chills number one and two!"

There was a long moment of silence, in which Calvin and Andy's Dad stared at each other with blank eyes.

At last, Andy's Dad spoke.

"Wait a minute, I know you. Your that kid with that weird hairdo that Andy talks so much about."

Calvin blinked.

"I AM NOT WEIRD!" He screamed.

"So what did you come here about?" Andy's Dad asked, checking his watch. "Andy won't be back from the movies for another twenty five minutes so..."

"Andy's been kidnaped by an idiot. Just thought you might want to know." Calvin interrupted.

There was another pause.

"What are you talking about?" Andy's Dad inquired. "Andy hasn't been kidnaped."

"Why do you say that?" Calvin asked. "Are you classifying him as an adult and he's actually been ADULTnaped by an idiot?"

"Here, I'll call Andy's cell phone." Andy's Dad said.

"Andy has a cell phone?" Calvin asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Yeah," Andy's Dad said "But we only use it for emergencies."

"I see." Calvin said.

Andy's Dad waited for Andy to pick up his cell phone, and tell him he's alright.

The phone was answered.

Calvin listened.

"WE DON'T WANT ANY!" Screamed an extremely loud voice, causing Andy's Dad to hold the phone at arm's length.

It was then hung up.

Andy's Dad stood there in shock, staring at the cell phone which now had a dial tone on it.

His eyes went back to Calvin.

"Told ya." Calvin said.

Calvin and Andy's Dad quickly ran out of the University, after Andy's Dad called the police.

* * *

Chill was scraping mud off himself, when he stormed over the wrecked van.

Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman's eyes popped open, and they stared at Chill with terrified eyes.

"OK!" He yelled. "No more Mr Nice Villain!"

Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman exchanged glances.

Chill started rooting through his pocket.

"I have a pistol in here somewhere." he muttered. "But where is it?"

PING!

Chill's eyes shot open.

"OW! I SHOT MY BIG TOE! ACK! ACK! ACK!"

Chill began hopping around, holding his toe in pain.

Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman waited for him to regain himself.

Finally he did.

"Whew." He sighed. "OK, villains like me have remarkable healing abilities in movies like this, so I'm all better now."

"I wish I had some popcorn." Hobbes said.

Chill began rooting through his pocket.

"Ok, now where did I put..."

PING!

"OW! I SHOT MY OTHER TOE!"

Chill began hopping around again, this time holding his other foot.

At that very moment, a faint sound was heard off to the west.

It was faint at first, but it didn't stay faint for long.

It was a siren.

Chill stopped hopping around, and listened.

"Hmmm," He said. "I'm beginning to hear the call of a wild police car!"

There was a moment of silence.

Chill took out a tape recorder from his pocket, pushed RECORD, and screamed, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!"

He pushed stop, and handed Hobbes the recording.

"Give them my message, please." He said. "Now, OUTTA SOMEBODY ELSE'S CAR!"

Chill shoved Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman out of the van, jumped in, revved up the motor, backed out of the fence, and roared off down a country road.

Then, and right on cue, the police arrived.

They came out, asked where Chill went, told some officers to keep Andy, and his pet rat and stuffed tiger wear they were, then roared off, after Chill.

Chill looked into his rearview mirror, and saw the police chasing after him, sirens blasting.

"Oh joy! I've always wanted to be in a high speed chase!"

Moron.

Chill looked up, and prepared to hit full throttle when he noticed that something was riding side by side next to him.

It was a box. And it had a kid with yellow spiky hair in it.

Calvin gave Chill a salute, and shouted, "Howdy!"

Calvin slammed his box into Chill's van.

"WHY DON'T YOU LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, PUNK!"

Chill gritted his teeth, and slammed on the gas.

Calvin was able to catch up.

"HA HA HA HA!" Calvin screamed.

He began jerking the wheel left and right, almost hitting the van every time.

And on every loop, he went, "WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!"

Chill growled, and turned the wheel, in an attempt to run Calvin over.

Calvin lifted his box above the van, and began following from the top.

"N-24265," Calvin said. "You have been cleared for landing."

Calvin began bouncing his box off the roof of the van.

Chill sat in the driver's seat, growling to himself, and wondering why there wasn't an auto pilot in the car.

Calvin continued bouncing off the van. And having a great time doing it, because he knew it was driving Chill nuts.

Calvin reached into his hypercube, and pulled out a chocolate frosted donut.

"Nothing's better than a donut in the evening. oops."

Calvin then purposely dropped the donut on the windshield.

Icing splattered all over it.

"ACK!" Chill screamed. "I CAN'T SEE! I CAN'T SEE!"

Chill turning the wheel in several different directions, before crashing into a fence.

Why didn't he just turn on the windshield wipers, you ask?

He's a moron, what did you expect?

Calvin hovered several feet above the wreckage, then flew off.

Chill unbuckled himself, pushed past the air bags, and leaped out onto the grass.

He looked around, frantically.

The police were closing in.

Chill saw a forest next to him.

He leaped inside.

Three police cars screeched to a stop in front of Chill's former van.

They all leaped out, and rushed into the forest after their criminal.

It was about then that the music started.

_Everywhere I look lately The only thing I see is some advertisers telling me what I'm supposed to be_

Chill leaped over rocks and logs.

_At the movies on my radio on my TV screen Someone selling someone yelling makes me want to scream!_

The police chase after him, screaming at him to halt.

_My brain is ringing_

Chill hid behind a tree.

_It's getting harder and harder to think through all this NOISE!_

The police rushed past the hiding Chill.

_I gotta get out of this noise! I can't even hear my own voice!_

Chill turned and ran off in the other direction.

_It's driving me crazy! Somebody save me! I'm drowning in all this NOISE!_

The police turn around to see that Chill was escaping.

"Over there!" one screams.

They turn and go after him.

_I need some peace and quiet just one minute to relax All the information junkies keep distorting all the facts_

Chill reaches a stone wall.

He looks from side to side.

_If you dial this toll free number It's all within your reach We'll all be rich and skinny while we're dancing on the beach._

Chill makes a full turn around, and begins running towards the police.

_The truth is still out there but is getting harder and harder to hear through all this NOISE!_

The police bind their arms together, and spread out in an attempt to capture Chill

_I gotta get out of this noise! I can't even hear my own voice! It's driving me crazy! Somebody save me!_

Chill crashes into the police.

_I'm drowning in all this NOISE!_

They all collapse under Chill's weight, and Chill rushes on.

_Something keeps telling me This ain't how it was MEANT TO BE!_

The police get up, dazed and confused, then continue the chase.

_We got to stop this noise._

Chill gave the police a wave and a friendly smile, then disappeared behind a rock.

_I'm drowning in all this..._

The police all looked behind the rock.

_NOISE!_

Chill had vanished.


	19. You're Not Alone

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stood outside the forest, waiting.

Andy's dad stood there, talking to the police.

"You're not gonna tell my wife about this, are you?" he asked. "I've got enough problems as it is."

"Relax, sir," said the policeman. "The important thing is that the kid and his tiger and his rat are safe."

"HAMSTER!" shouted Sherman.

Andy jammed him in his pocket.

Andy's dad approached Calvin.

"Well, I think it'll be best if I took you home," he decided.

"Really? Gee, that'd be swell, but I really think that—"

Hobbes smacked him on the back of the head.

"Ow! I mean, sure, why not?"

"Okay, I'll call your parents."

"NO!"

Andy's dad stared at him.

"I mean, let's not worry them," Calvin said. "Let's go home, and I'll explain it to them myself."

"Okay, sure."

Everyone climbed into Andy's dad's car, and they headed back the way they came.

"Homeward bound," sighed Hobbes. "I can't wait to get there."

"My only regret is that we left all our stuff at the hotel," said Calvin.

* * *

Chill ran through the forest, and then started to climb up a tree near the road.

"Let's see," he muttered. "Where are they…?"

Then he saw the cars go past.

First Andy's dad.

Then the cops.

Then the van he'd stolen.

"Oh, this sucks," he muttered. "I come all this way, and the kid escapes. _AGAIN_!"

Then Chill, being the idiot he was, got an idiotic idea.

"BANZAI!" he shouted.

He jumped from the tree and landed on the van!

The cop that was driving it looked up in surprise.

"Attention, all units!" he shouted. "Chill is…"

Then the remembered that he didn't have a radio in this thing.

So instead, he leaned out the window.

"I FOUND CHILL!" he shouted.

Several cops looked back, and they slammed their brakes on in surprise.

The van crashed into the back of them, and this caused Chill to be flung from the van, and he flew across the pack of halted cops.

"Man, how many times have I flown today?" Chill pondered.

Andy's dad had heard the crash and slammed his brakes on.

"What happened?" he asked, looking back.

**_SMASH!_**

Everyone looked up.

Chill had crashed through the ceiling of the car.

Everyone stared.

"Yo!" said Chill.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" everyone screamed.

Andy's dad jumped out of the car and ran.

Andy and Sherman were right behind him.

Hobbes was about to follow, but then he noticed Calvin had disappeared.

"Calvin?" he shouted.

"And now, making a triumphant return, it's…_STUPENDOUS MAN_!" a voice shouted.

Hobbes gulped and looked up.

Calvin was standing on the roof of the car, wearing his mask and cape, and he was glaring at Chill legs, which were sticking up in the air.

Chill was trying hard to free himself.

"Now with the world threatened by a new evil, _the Chill-inater_, Stupendous Man has trapped him in a special cage, and now, he prepares for the final blow!" Calvin said heroically.

Calvin prepared his foot.

Then he swung his foot right into a certain area on Chill's body.

"EMPH!" Chill shouted.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and dragged Calvin away.

"STUPENDOUS MAN! UP, UP, AND AWAY!" Calvin shouted.

"Shut up," Hobbes muttered.

_When everything is going wrong and things are just a little strange; it's been so long now, you've forgotten how to smile. _

Calvin and Hobbes caught up with Andy and Sherman.

And Chill managed to get out of the car, stagger for a moment, and then run after them.

_And overhead the skies are clear, but it still seems to rain on you, and your only friends all have better things to do. _

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman hopped over the fence and disappeared into the forest.

Chill hopped it and gave chase, shouting insane things.

_When you're down and lost and you need a helping hand… _

Calvin, Hobbes and co started to run around trees, hoping to confuse Chill.

_When you're down and lost along the way._

Chill watched them for a while, until suddenly, they collided with him.

_Oh, just tell yourself, ah, I'll be OK. _

They all got up and ran away.

Chill got up, dazed, and then carried on after them.

_Now things are only getting worse, and you need someone to take the blame. When your lover's gone there's no-one to share the pain. _

Calvin and Hobbes proceeded in picking up lots of rocks, and they started hurling them over their shoulders.

They started smacking Chill in the face.

"OW! OUCH! OWIE! STOP IT! MOMMY! I WANT A VEGGIETALES BANDAID! ACK!"

_You're sleeping with the TV on, and you're lying in an empty bed. All the alcohol in the world could never help me to forget. _

Andy and Hobbes found the broken remains of a fence they'd damaged earlier.

They quickly took out a broken beam and hurled it through the air.

Chill saw it coming, and tried to turn around.

**_WHAM!_**

"D'OH!" Chill wailed.

_When you're down and lost, and you need a helping hand. When you're down and lost along the way. Just try a little harder. Try your best to make it through the day. Oh just tell yourself, ah, I'll be OK. _

Chill picked himself up, and started to stalk towards them.

Hobbes, Andy and Calvin jumped over the fence and made a dash towards a slope.

They grabbed broken bits of fencing, jumped onto them, and slid down the hill.

"WHEEEEEE!" cheered Calvin.

Chill saw them, and decided to follow in suit.

"COWABUNGEE!" he shouted.

_You're not alone (you're not alone) _

Hobbes flew across a river.

_You're not alone (you're not alone) _

Andy and Sherman flew across the river.

_You're not alone _

Calvin flew across the river.

And when Chill came…

_SPLASH! _

You figure it out.

_Just tell yourself, ah, I'll be OK. _

Calvin and Hobbes jumped up into a tree.

Andy and Sherman ran past.

_Oh, just tell yourself, ah, I'll be OK. Won't you tell yourself? _

Chill screeched to a halt and looked for Calvin.

_Aaaaaaaah, ah, ah, aaaaaaaah, ah, ah, aaaaaaaah, ah, ah, aaaaaaaah. _

"ALL RIGHT, PUNK! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD!" Chill shouted.

And in a way he did.

Calvin dove from the tree, his arms stretched out ahead of himself.

_When you're down and lost, and you need a helping hand; when you're down and lost along the way. _

Calvin landed on Chill.

_Try a little harder. Try your best to make it through the day. _

"I DIDN'T MEAN LIKE THIS!" Chill shouted.

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" shouted Calvin.

_Oh, just tell yourself, ah, I'll be OK. _

Hobbes watched, shrugged, and then dove onto the head of Chill.

"Kangaroo mouse, huh? Well let's see what a mouse can do!" Hobbes shouted.

_Ah, I'll be OK. Ah, I'll be OK. _

Andy and Sherman were watching the scuffle from nearby.

"Cool," said Andy.

"Impressive," said Sherman.

Just then, the cops burst in on the scene.

They managed to pry Calvin and Hobbes off of Chill, and then managed to handcuff him.

Chill looked at the chains holding him.

"Hmmmm," he said. "Symbolically, _this is bad_."

"Take him away, boys," said a cop.

Chill was dragged away from the others.

Calvin and Hobbes stuck their tongues out at him.

"HA! TAKE _THAT_, SUCKER!" Calvin mocked.

"I'LL BE BACK! I SWEAR IT!" Chill shouted.

They shoved Chill into a car.

Chill rolled down the window and started yelling at them again.

"YOU CAN RUN, BUT YA CAN'T HIDE! I'LL COME BACK FOR YOU! I'M HUNGRY FOR TIGER MEAT! I'M COMING FOR YOU, SPIKES! LOOK OUT! HERE I COME! I AM RUPERT CHILL! HERE ME ROAR! I LIKE MY LUNCH STEAMED! RRR! USE THE FORCE! I'M BATMAN! AUNT HARRIET! I NEED COOKIES! _COOKIES_!"

_SPLOOSH!_

Chill was creamed in the face by a water balloon, which had been thrown by Calvin.

"Don't drop the soap, Chill!" shouted Andy.

The cops drove off with Chill shouting and complaining about all the injustices in the world, completely forgetting that he _was_ an injustice.

The cops approached Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman.

"Way to go, kids. We've finally managed to get Rupert Chill behind bars," said the chief.

"No problem," said Calvin. "But really, you don't need to tell anyone it was us. Just tell the press that Chill was captured."

"Are you sure?" asked the chief.

"Yeah, I'm fine with it."

"Have it your way. Thanks again, kids."

"Sure thing," said Andy.

"Just call if you need us," added Calvin.

The cops got in their cars, and headed back to the city.

"Well," said Andy's dad. "You've made me proud, son."

"Thanks, dad," said Andy.

"Hey, _I_ helped too, ya know!" said Sherman, climbin onto Andy's head.

"Really?" asked Andy's dad. "And exactly what did you do?"

Sherman opened his mouth to say something, but then found himself at a loss.

"Wait, you know that Sherman can talk?" asked Calvin.

"I'm the one who helped him gain his ability."

"Well, thanks a lot," said Calvin. "This little furball has been nothing but a nuisance to us."

"I have not!"

"Yes, you have," said Hobbes.

"No, I haven't!"

"Yes, you have," said Andy.

"I AM NOT!"

"You are," said Andy's dad.

Sherman sighed and burrowed back down in Andy's pocket.

"Well, I've gotta get going," said Andy's dad. "You need a ride back home, Calvin?"

"No, Hobbes and me can take the bus. Thanks for your help, Mr Andy's dad," said Calvin.

"Sure. Come on, Andy."

"See ya later, guys," said Andy. "We'll see ya in two days."

"Later, Andy," said Calvin and Hobbes.

"Goodbye, Calvin," said Sherman. "Goodbye, fuzz ball."

"See ya, Vermin," said Hobbes.

Andy and Sherman climbed into the car, and Andy's dad drove back into the city.

"Why didn't you want to have the media know about you capturing Chill?" asked Hobbes.

"Two reasons. One: if it's anything like when we saved Earth from the aliens, it's hardly going to affect anyone. Two: Mom and Dad will find out we escaped and left clones behind."

"Nice," said Hobbes. "Now how do we get home?"

Calvin sighed, pulling the cardboard box out from the hypercube.

"Honestly, Hobbes, it's like you don't know me at all."

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and climbed in.

They put on their goggles, and they flew for home.


	20. Grand Finale

_Swing123: Oh, man, I'm _really _sorry about this huge delay. It's entirely my fault, because this chapter has just been waiting to be used for two months. I had completely forgotten about this story! I admit I've been getting a little careless with my stories, recently, focusing all my attention on just one of them, so I'm going to try and start writing more on my other ones, too._

_Again, I'm really sorry about not putting this chapter up, sooner. Please enjoy the final part of garfieldodie and I's latest collaboration work. And the bonus chapter will be up as soon as we finish it._

_

* * *

_

Calvin and Hobbes landed their box in front of the house.

They sighed, and entered their house.

Calvin took a deep breath in.

"Well, Hobbes. Here we are! Mom and Dad are still on that lame-o vacation, and we have the house all to ourselves!"

"Party?" Hobbes asked.

"Party."

"I'll call Socrates."

"No you won't."

"Yes sir."

At that very moment, there was a knock at the door.

"Who could that be?" Hobbes asked.

"Do you think it's Chill?" Calvin asked nervously.

"Uh..." Hobbes rolled his eyes around. "Do you think he'd bother to knock?"

There was a pause.

"That was a stupid question." Hobbes said.

Calvin sighed.

Then, slowly, he answered the door.

He then stared face to face with...

Socrates.

He was sipping on a milkshake

Calvin sighed with relief.

"Oh. It's only you." He sighed.

"Yep." Socrates said. "I saw you come home, and I just thought I'd stop by and ask how it went."

"Well, boy do we have a story for you." Hobbes sighed.

"Oh joy!" Socrates grinning hopping on the couch. "I just love stories!"

Calvin and Hobbes spent the next few minutes explaining to Socrates all that had gone on in the week that they were gone.

Socrates listened with a blank expression.

When the story was finished, Socrates stared at Calvin and Hobbes for a long time and said, "I'd said it before, and I'll say it again. This is one _weird_ neighborhood."

And with that, he said his goodbyes, and walked out the door.

Calvin watched him go.

He turned to Hobbes.

"Anyway, are you ready for a fun three days, ol' buddy?!"

"As I'll ever be." Hobbes said.

"Good because until Saturday, this house is _ours!_"

Calvin laughed like a maniac, and Hobbes watched, worriedly.

They both had a great time.

They were able to throw a wild party themselves, watch all the TV shows they weren't allowed to watch, eat all the candy they wanted, and basically everything they did at the hotel.

However, when Saturday came around...

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting in front of the TV eating Oreos.

Hobbes looked out the window, and saw a red car pull into the driveway.

He turned back to the TV.

"Your parents are home." He said.

"Huh." Calvin said, uninterestedly.

There was a moment of silence.

Then, Calvin leaped three feet into the air.

"**_MY _PARENTS** **_ARE HOME!_**" He screamed.

"Yup."

Calvin looked across the messy state the house was in.

"Oh boy..." he sighed. "Hobbes stand back."

Hobbes looked up.

Calvin was holding his MTM.

"HURRICANE!" He yelled leaping from the way.

Calvin activated the hypercube vacuum, and ran through the house, sucking up spilt juice, toy trucks, comic books, dropped food, tuna cans, candy wrappers, and the rest of the mess.

Hobbes held onto the couch, as Calvin sucked the whole mess into the MTM.

Calvin heard keys jingling outside the door.

Calvin put his MTM away, and held up his hypercube.

"Hurry, Hobbes, in this!"

Calvin leaped into the hypercube, shortly followed by Hobbes. the cube fell onto the desk, and just sat there as Mom entered the house.

The duplicates came in next and they looked... uh... angry.

After Mom and Dad had gone into the kitchen, the duplicates stormed up towards Calvin's room.

Calvin climbed out of the hypercube.

"OK, Hobbes, let's go delete those duplicates, before something bad happens."

Calvin drug Hobbes out of the hypercube, and they went up to Calvin's room.

The clones were waiting.

"YOU SAID IT WASN'T A CAMPING TRIP!" Calvinclone screamed. "YOU'VE DUPED US!"

"Of course we have. You're duplicates." Calvin shrugged.

"You know he has a point." Hobbesclone whispered.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well because of your sneaky little tricks we had to stay behind and be miserable at that stupid camping trip!"

"Actually I kinda liked it." Hobbesclone said. "There was a nice little stream, no pollution, a waterfall, and a comfortable camping spot."

Calvinclone thought about that.

"EVEN SO!" He screamed.

"OK, come on." Calvin sighed. "Let's just get into the duplicator so we can delete you."

"Delete us?" Calvinclone asked. "What happens after that?"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Ya know, I really have no idea." Calvin said.

"Yeah the information didn't seem important at the time." Hobbes said.

"I suppose you go to some Storage Bin and sit there until I need you."

"A STORAGE BIN!" Calvinclone screamed. "Do you have any idea how boring that would be! What are we supposed to do until you need us again!"

"How am I supposed to know?" Calvin demanded. "Go discuss politics with all the other clones I've deleted. Now come on!"

At last, Calvin forced the duplicates into the duplicator and deleted them.

Hobbes watched.

"Do you know what I've noticed?" Hobbes asked.

"What?" Calvin asked.

"When two Calvins get together they fight and battle. When two Hobbeses get together, they get along perfectly."

"Ha ha." Calvin growled. "Just be glad you missed out on that stupid camping trip."

"OK."

Calvin laid down on his bed. "What a week. I never want to see another city again."

"Yup."

There was a moment of silence.

"I wonder what Chill's doing right now." Hobbes wondered out loud.

Calvin sat up, and stared at Hobbes.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering." Hobbes said.

* * *

Meanwhile, several miles away, Chill had been locked away in a jail cell.

And do you know what?

He had somehow gotten hold of a tin cup, and he was sitting there next to the bars rattling them, and demanding a lawyer.

It wasn't working, so Chill looked around for something else.

He saw a bar of soap sitting on the sink.

He grabbed it, took a pocket knife, and began carving it.

Later, a policeman walked by.

Chill held up a giant machine gun, which quickly got the policeman's attention.

"Alright, copper!" He said in a western accent. "Lemme outta here, or I'll _waste_ ya!"

Just then the tip the gun began to droop.

Chill and the policeman stared at it.

Chill looked up.

"Did you know they've invented a brilliant new form of aiming in machine guns?" he asked.

The policeman stared at him, then walked on.

Chill growled, and threw the soap "machine gun" out.

Another policeman went by.

"Hey, want some free cookies?" He asked.

"Nope." the policeman said, walking on.

"WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Chill demanded. "_EVERYBODY_ LIKES GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!"

Another policeman walked by.

"Wanna earn five bucks?" Chill asked.

"Already have some."

"Want some more?"

"Nope."

Chill growled.

"WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, I'LL SUE YOU ALL!" He roared.

The police rolled their eyes at that one.

Chill certainly had a long time to think about what he was going to do about this situation.

And knowing him and his stupidity/genius mind, he'd be back.

* * *

A few days later, Dad came to find Calvin sitting in a chair with Hobbes, watching some mind numbing television.

"Say, um, Calvin, I don't suppose you've seen my wallet, have you?" he asked.

Calvin simply shrugged.

"What would I have done with your wallet?" he asked. "I was with you that entire time."

Dad went to reply, but then decided Calvin was right.

"Ah well," he said. "I need to get ready for the next camping trip."

Calvin and Hobbes' ears shot up.

"What?" Calvin shouted. "That _was_ the camping trip, wasn't it?"

"No, that was a big group of people who part of a club going on a _group_ trip," Dad said. "_Our_ trip is next week."

And Dad left.

Calvin and Hobbes stared each other, mouths hanging open.

"I don't suppose we can get those duplicates back out, could we?" Hobbes asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid not," Calvin sighed. "We're kind of on our own for this one."

They both groaned.

* * *

Meanwhile, high above the Earth's surface in a flying saucer, a human being stood, watching the Earth.

He stood tall and proud, but he had bad posture, and a Three Stooges haircut.

And _this_ one was _human. _It _wasn't_ hardlight.

"There it is," he murmured. "After all this time, I'm finally returning to Earth. And now I, Retro Griffin, shall get revenge on Calvin and his stupid toy! Are you two ready?"

At the controls, two aliens that had no arms, tiny tentacles and pointy hats both chimed, "_Yes, master_…"

**To be continued...**


	21. BONUS CHAPTER

**Bonus Chapter**

* * *

**Credits:**

**Chapter one: **Swing123

**Chapter two:** Swing123

**Chapter three:** Swing123

**Chapter four:** Swing123 / garfieldodie

**Chapter five:** garfieldodie

**Chapter six:** garfieldodie

**Chapter seven: **Swing123

**Chapter eight:** garfieldodie

**Chapter nine: **Swing123

**Chapter ten:** garfieldodie

**Chapter eleven: **Swing123 / garfieldodie

**Chapter twelve: **garfieldodie

**Chapter thirteen:** garfieldodie

**Chapter fourteen:** Swing123

**Chapter fifteen:** garfieldodie

**Chapter sixteen:** Swing123

**Chapter seventeen:** garfieldodie

**Chapter eighteen:** Swing123

**Chapter nineteen: **garfieldodie

**Chapter twenty:** Swing123 / garfieldodie

**SOUNDTRACK:**

**My Private Nation (Train) **_Road Trip _

**County Fair (Lonestar) **_County Fair_

**Everlasting Love (U2) **_Wal-Mart_

**Cruel Summer (Ace of Base) **_Lost in the City_

**Any Evidence (Mark Joseph) **_Chill chases C&H_

**Cab (Train) **_C&H&A&S run from Chill at the University_

**Gone (Montgomery Gentry) **_Hobbes hijacks the van_

**Noise (Lonestar) **_Cops chasing Chill_

**I'll Be OK (McFly) **_C&H&A&S take on Chill one last time_

**Voice work:**

**Pamela Segel: **Calvin / Spaceman Spiff / Calvinclone

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes / The hotel manager / Hobbesclone

**Bill Murray:** Dad / hotel empolyee / Andy's Dad

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:**Mom

**Jim Carrey:**Chill

**Tom Kenny: **Police officer #1 / Police officer #4

**Ryan Stiles:**Socrates / Police officer #2

**Drew Carrey:**Police officer #3

**Andrew Lawrence:** Andy

**Colin Mochrie:** Sherman

**Dee Bradley Baker:** Additional Voices

**Socrates' Dictionary**

**Anchovy **_Noun _A smelly, tiny fish that the world could live without. Anchovies are everywhere these days, and the only reason they are is because the ocean is full of them, and the only reason the ocean is full of them is because the even the other fish don't like them.

**Andy**_ Noun_ A quiet kid who lives a few blocks down from me. When he's not around me and the gang, he's usually playing video games at home. Andy doesn't really say much, but the thing I really like about him is his super human ability to shut hamsters up!

**Calvin **_Noun_ a six year old child who hangs out with Hobbes. Calvin will and always be my dearest and closet prankee. I know, I probably shouldn't focus about seventy five percent of my pranks on the kid, but I mean, who can resist him? His shirt looks like a giant target!

**Doctor Frank Brainstorm **_Noun_ A self proclaimed genius, who apparently forgot to show up at the meeting where they handed everyone's minds out. He vaguely represents the characteristics of a villain, but he's so incredibly easy to beat it's hard to tell...

**Elliot **_Noun_ Elliot is my owner. He is a complete goody-goody who goes to school a lot, but when he's around me, I really don't like him. It's why I hang around with Calvin so much: _he_ knows how to treat a tiger.

**Hobbes **_Noun _A fellow tiger who is a nice guy, but he is somewhat of a coward at times, unlike myself. He's probably my best friend, but that doesn't mean I let him slide by without being pranked. He's got to be fooled once in a while just to keep him in check.

**Invention **_Noun _Practically the only thing Calvin's good for is his array of inventions. These include the MTM, Time Machine, Transmogrifier, Duplicator, etc. It's fun to watch them blow up in his face.

**Jack **_Noun_ A robot built, unintentionally of course, smarter than the person who built him! Jack is a tall silver fellow with a roundish head and a long pointed nose, and five grasping fingers on each hand! He's a fine little robot, who's always looking out for us and our safety when his creator attacks us! Well, sort of...

**Music **_Noun _This is something the world needs to improve. In the early days, music was very good, well thought out and fun for all. However, now music is now just a bunch of words slapped to a beat. I mean, have you _heard_ the latest rap CDs?

**Pizza **_Noun _My favorite food in the whole wide world. Pizza is a flat piece of bread that also contains tomato sauce and melted cheese, and then your own kinds of toppings. Anchovies are the only kind I don't like. Let's face it, who would want them?

**Prank **_Noun_ Perhaps the best thing to be invented since astronaut food! A prank is a figure of unmatchable fun, in which the prankee is tricked, fooled, and or trapped in a barrel of some form of food condiment, as set up by the pranker. Pranks usually involve water balloons, fake dollar bills, or allegations of the sky about to fall.

**Sherman **_Noun_ A brown walking furball that happens to follow Andy around wherever he goes. He's constantly spouting off knowledge he learned at the dreaded university, and apparently thinks he's superior to everyone. He hates me and Hobbes, of course, but that's perfectly fine with me!

**Robot **_Noun _A mechanical being that was probably invented to serve mammals. I happen to know a robot named Jack. He works for an evil lunatic, but he has the makings of a good guy in him. However, some robots are total morons, such as the robot slaves on the ships on Planet Zok.

**Taxi **_Noun_ A type of car that takes you to various places for a fee. These cars are very rare when you need them, but then when you don't need them, they're _begging_ you to get in. Most drivers don't speak English, either.

**Televison **_Noun_ A form of entertainment which has reached its prime state of, uh, quality, I guess... Well, technically all I watch are nature documentaries and the All Pranking Channel, so I don't have to deal with people whining about their favorite show getting canned.

**Video game **_Noun_ A form of video of which you play. Usually using a control panel of some sort. And it's, uh... well how the heck would I know? I've never played the things.

**Water Balloon **_Noun_ Who ever came up with this idea deserves a pat on the back. These things are perfect for pranking people. Water filled balloons can really tick people off. Who would've thought?

**Wagon **_Noun _I've never ridden one of these things before, but based on what I've heard, it's a screaming metal deathtrap.

**Trailer**

_**(The trailer starts with a black blank screen, the song **_**Requiem for Dream **_**begins playing then white letters pop up)**_

**Narrator: When all hope is lost...**

_**(Words fade away. Shows the mailbox being open and the mail being taken out. Fades into back. More words fade on)**_

**Narrator: And all attempts fail...**

_**(Words fade away. Shows the Tree Huggers International envelope being opened. Fades into black. More words fade up.)**_

**Narrator: One boy remains hopeful for a miracle.**

_**(Words fade away. Shows Calvin standing in the doorway, staring at his parents.)**_

**Dad:****Guess what, Calvin? We're going to Georgia!**

_**(Silence)**_

**Calvin: **_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!**_

_**(Calvin begins running around in circles, screaming, before racing upstairs.)**_

**Mom: Hmm, he took this quite well.**

_**(Dad glares at her.)**_

**Calvin: We are about to go on a trip that could very well lead to our instant death, right?**

**Hobbes: Right.**

**Calvin: What if we went but it wasn't actually us?**

_**(Silence)**_

**Hobbes:...Huh?**

_**(Tension music starts playing faster)**_

**BOINK!**

_**(Shows Calvinclone and Hobbesclone walking out of the duplicator)**_

**Calvin: We're going to see a mountain and stay with a bunch of other people near it.**

_**(Shows Calvin and Hobbes diving out the restaurant window.)**_

**Calvin: Sweeet Freedom, Hobbes! Let's breath it all in!**

**Narrator: But things are not all fun and games for our two heros...**

**Chill (Bursting through Calvin's door): HERE I AM!!!**

_**(There's a loud explosion of music. Shows Calvin and Hobbes riding a roller coaster screaming. Shows Chill driving a van right through a police stop. Shows Calvin and Hobbes meeting Andy and Sherman in the theater. Shows Chill leaping onto the van from a tree. Shows Chill holding a gun over his head. Shows Chill grabbing Calvin's shirt. Shows a large explosion in the city. Shows Calvin and Hobbes rushing through the streets. Shows the camera zooming out on Calvin and Hobbes and onto to Chill a few miles away. Shows Chill throwing dirt over his shoulder with a shovel. Shows Calvin crashing through a window. Shows Socrates walking down the street calmly. Shows Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman hiding in a laboratory. Shows Calvin and Hobbes racing through an amusement park. Shows Calvin attacking Chill in his Stupendous Man costume. Shows Hobbes cowering in the corner with Chill looming over him. Shows Andy crawling through an air vent. Shows Chill laughing insanely.)**_

**Chill: THERE'S NO ESCAPING NOW, CALLY!!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!**

**Calvin: Help... cry for help...**

**There's a crash of cymbals and the title comes up.**

**Narrator: WHICH WAY IS WHERE? A Brand new Calvin and Hobbes movie! Rated PG. Premieres July 18th!**

**Chill (menacingly): Ready for some fun...?**


End file.
